Here’s why a drunken geek must be avoided:
Geeky Boy(Drunk, walking up to a Lady): Buonasera, me fine Lady. Hic.
Lady(Turning away): You are drunk.
Geeky Boy: That’s an accurate observation, me Lady. And I, on my part, duly observe that you converse with a strikingly dark timbre. Hic.
Lady(Turning back to stare at Geeky Boy): Say what?
Geeky Boy: You know, dark like a cello. Your timbre. It’s like the entire Rasputina Band morphing into one fine Lady, and then articulating all harmonics with legato.
Lady(Wide eyed): I haven’t the slightest clue what you are talking about, stranger.
Geeky Boy(Extending his hand): Signora Gavino. That’s me. And you are?
Lady(Ignoring extended hand): Signorina Go-Away-Please.
Geeky Boy: That’s a peculiar name. It’s with great pleasure that I make your acquaintance, Signorina.
Lady: The pleasure is all yours.
Geeky Boy: And you have a truly remarkable way with words, me Lady. More precisely, with sounds. Few people can maintain straight harmonics, in three adjacent octaves, without hitting at least one false semitone in the middle.
Lady(Rolling her eyes): God knows what you are yapping on about.
Geeky Boy: It is true, me Lady. See, since the average human mouth is, for all intents and purposes, closed on one end, it tends to produce odd harmonics, and with major and minor keys mix-matched in there. But in your case, almost pure, unblemished harmonics keep chiming out. Truly remarkable. It’s almost like your mouth is open on both ends. It isn’t, of course. Or is it?
[B]Lady/B: Sir, your weird monologue keeps heading south.
[B]Geeky Boy/B: That was a rhetorical question, of course. Still, you have to consider the implications here. Anyone who can produce even harmonics, at precisely equal octaves around the fundamentals, can easily control anything around by just speaking.
Lady: I know. Whenever I tell losers to bugger off, they disappear immediately. You are the first exception to this rule that I have ever encountered.
Geeky Boy: We can easily demonstrate my hypothesis on your harmonics using this wine glass. Care to break it for me using your voice? I can show you how.
Lady: You are pretty much determined to ruin my entire evening, aren’t you?
Geeky Boy: See, I have done my own spectral analysis, and have determined that, since this is a whistling wine glass, its resonance lies at 11.2 Kilo Hertz when empty. That would be a bit of a strain, even for your vocal chords, and hence I’ve half-filled it with red wine. Its resonance frequency is now 8.5 – a little lower than that of ringing cymbals, and well within your vocal capabilities. At that frequency, this wine glass should shatter within three seconds. Should we give it a try, me Lady?
Lady: I have a better idea, stranger. Could you kindly slink away, and leave me alone?
[B]Geeky Boy/B: But, me Lady, you have a rare gift! Wouldn’t you like to put it into some use?
Lady: I can assure you, stranger, that I have no interest, whatsoever, in breaking an innocent glass of wine. But I do wish you could disappear like a puff of smoke, recede from my memories, and forever keep off my nightmares.
[B]Geeky Boy/B: This lack of curiosity about your phenomenal voice is truly amazing, I must say.
Lady: That’s because I’m normal. You aren’t normal, clearly. Now, for the last time – GO AWAY.