I went to visit my sister who lived in kitale in early 90s. So kawaida I took a small pujo for 0 four (Peugeot 404) from mumias to kitale called “mvumilivu” The peugeot looked like a box or some would call it “face me i face you”. So i reached kitale had fun and everything went well. (Sisi wa-wanga hatunanga drama kwa mabarabara like wa bukusu cc @uwesmake na cousin yake@Mundu Mulosi )
Drama started the following day when I was heading to Nairobi. My sister woke me up at 6am took me to stage hapo mbele ya laini moja and boarded the bus called Eldoret Express. It was her suggestion I sit on seat number 54 which was on the left side of the bus but karibu na mwisho. (I regret the decision she made till leo)
Before the journey started , some bukusu came and sat kwa seat number 49 which was directly mbele yangu. Let’s call this guy @uwesmake . This matafaka aliingia na kuku 3 amebeba mkononi. Took those chicken akaweka chini ya kiti yake. Nilinusa mavi na mkojo ya kuku all the way to nairobi. But this wasn’t it.
The journey started, maze every bus stop @uwesmake could order something from hawkers . This matapaka had a petty cash of 200 shillings to snack himself to nairovi. It was a lot of money in the 90s btw. Tukafika eldoret " hawker nipatie nchugu (njugu) I guessed . He ate like goro goro moja of the same.
Tukafika timboroa, nipatie machunkwa (oranges) I guessed . All this time I’m just watching the guy with envy since I’m a high school student and this matafaka wouldn’t even share hata hangepea those dying chicken hata mahindi.
Tukafika mbele ya timboroa basi stopped to pick more passenger , akaitisha Mahindi boilo (boiled). Nakuru tukawasili, hakuchelewa, akaiitisha Fanda (fanta). There is nothing as humiliating like seeing someone basking with glory of food na wewe huna any apart from fermented porridge that my sister made for me before I left kitale.
Tulipofika toll station , hii pukusu @uwesmake ilitingiza tumbo to check kama Kuna space left to fill up more. Akagundua there is space . Akaitisha yogurt ya delamare, akameza yote pekee. Naivasha tukafika, tukapewa small break , mayai poilo (boiled) akanunua ya kusindikiza all that he has been snacking since 6am.
Masaibu yangu yalianza saa 4pm when we reached kinungi. You know hapo kunakuwanga na zile tu small bumps mingi in sets. When you drive you car these bumps make your car produce trrrrr sound because the bumps are small ,many and close to each other but very annoying .
Hii pukusu iliamushwa na trrrr bumps . Kumbe the bomb in the stomach (landmine) was ready. On reaching the second set ya bumps, tumbo yake ilichemushwo, tingizwa na kulipuliwa. Akafungua dirisha. Guys hii pumbavu ikaanza kutapika!!! Remember the bus is still moving so @upepo is flowing backwards and I’m sitted just right behind him. So matapishi ya @uwesmake ilikuwa inajichora kwa dirisha as @upepo was pushing it backwards . Kwa dirisha I could see all sort of semi digested foods from Ugali na mitura he ate the previous night , ikafwatwa, na I think some nyama choma which I suspected he snacked 10pm the previous night before going to bed, to chai na mkate that morning. Then he stopped tukafikiri Masaibu yameisha.
We hit another set of trrrrr bumps akafungua dirisha ,akaanza kutapika tena, this time as matapishi ilikuwa inajichora kwa dirisha yangu as usual on the earlier ones that had dried, not only did I see semi digested food but I saw things from his belly that I never saw.
This @uwesmake was vomiting mukombero, yes mukombero, a whole tree ya mukombero. This twig iligonga dirishaa ya basi ya muigai (eldoret express owner) karibu ipasue. Akaendelea na jury duty yake, Mahindi boilo, mayai, yogurt, soda, yote alitapika in that order.
All this time we were all disgusted because basi ilikuwa inanuka matapishi , ingokho zake wasn’t doing us favors pia, ilikuwa inakunia kunia chini ya kiti, next to me there was another a little bit sensible bukusu, alikuwa anyambanyamba ni kama amelipwa… nilifika Nairobi hapo machakos bus station and I swore abba will neffa board bus from kitale withpukusus(awnbkwp) on board. Mpaka wa leo. Afadhali nipande @punda
So @introvert spare me kwa cartoon. You made me park hapa kando ya barabara towrite this . So I need to be pardoned shenz hata wewe @Ice_Cube na @Deorro ,malenge nyinyi:)