keep a sober mind and keep moving…also always INVEST in yourself.
The problem with this guy is that he lacks self esteem and confidence, hence the reason he thinks he’s a failure in life. He mentions material stuff like a car, house etc that he thinks he might not ever achieve. That there is a clear indication the guy has low confidence in himself, he probably looks at his former schoolmates Facebook pages and sees their updates painting a picture of fine living, while he has none of it.
BTW, zimzima, a peanuts income is relative… 10k can be peanuts to someone but a lot of money to someone else. Same as 30k etc.
Check your lifestyle, live within your means and stop comparing yourself to others.
Ati 30-something is old?
Bro, most mbirrioneas were broke at that age. You only need five good years to make very good money to buy yourself the car of your dreams and put up in the neibahood you want, hata kama ni ku-rent.
The trick is to ask yourself; Am here why? Kama ni mshahara kidogo, save money to keep you afloat for 12 months and quit.
Look for a better paying job or become a hustler.
And stop that defeatist attitude; the likes of Murathe (JP vice chair) were declared bankrupt in their late 40s and where are they now?
- Marrying is the worst thing you can do. It will only worsen your situation. Those advocating for marriage here were not in your situation when they married. They were probably employed with stable jobs. They also did not marry jobless women with children. They got their own children with women who had day jobs. Following their advise is a one way street to the gallows (financially). The woman who you are likely to attract is nothing similar to the women they married. Your potential suitor is likely to have children already, and in a worse financial position than you. Don’t try to follow advise of guys who married women without such baggage juu ndio wengi hapa.
- You have to quit your current income generating activity at some point because evidently, it is not doing you any justice. I am not suggesting you quit immediately, but start saving up for business. If you make (1) above, by marrying, you will not be able to save, and even if you do, it will take thrice as long or more. Hata heri usave pesa ununue tuk tuk and hustle in peace. You dont have kukuwa na the entire amount. If you are in a Sacco, 1/3 of the capital and you are sorted.
- Check your expenses.
I never used to buy into that marry and your life will improve ‘philosophy’ as at the time was a senior bachelor and never saw how adding literally another mouth to feed will improve my life did not see it at all… But I think a good woman will add value to any man, I don’t know how it happens but I guess a woman might awaken the ‘provider’ instinct in a Man. Plus there are things when you are solo you can get away with but once you know that you have somebody waiting on you at home you will have to work extra hard if for anything just to prove to the woman you have that you can take care of her…
What’s the way out? He did not provide all details of what he’s education level, skills etc are so that’s hard to advise but generally he should evaluate how he got into the quagmire he’s in from there he can see how to get out
From another thread, he mentioned working in advertising and earning 40k… if he gets a woman getting almost the same amount, the household income doubles to 80k… and he/they can live in a good neighbourhood, afford Uber once in a while and a few luxuries every weekend.
This guy is just low on self esteem.
Many people in the country earn even less than that.
As a 40/yr old, I wouldn’t listen to people who married in their early 30s or younger. You are not reading from the same script. You have two forms of baggage which severely limit your access to quality women…old age and finances. By quality women I mean financially independent women who have no financial obligations (children). Those who are financially stable, and with children will be out of your league because women naturally marry up. The only type of women you can access are those with children and who are more broke than you. This is what those advising you to marry are failing to see. They think that because their situation worked out yours too will, which is false. They did not marry jobless women with kids like you are likely to.
Boss, kwani huelewi hii maneno ama? Do you expect a woman earning like him to date him at 40? Do you expect a childless woman to date him? Women marry up. Wake up from your slumber and stop dreaming. These theories can only apply to a younger male, not a 40 year old.
Mjamaa I married very young, actually my wife was pregnant while I was graduating. Tukahustle pesa ikakuwa mzuri, nikawekea yeye biz pesa ikazidi,hepi ikazidi, road trips na ma kunguru.THEN biz ikaenda chini, tukakosana akarudi kwao nikatoka kutoka 3brm mpaka bedsitter. Sema shida my fren.
Then baadaye akarudi na nikapata kitu inaitwa kichwa, yaani ubongo.sasa si kubaya saana.
So somehow I think it’s better kuoa mapema, mtoe ufala yoote then maturity ikam through na life iendelee.
So kama mungu atakubariki atakubariki tu wife or no wife.
Usiogope kuoa juu hauna pesa.
No disrespect but you seem to know little about women… women judge men differently I have dated women in my past whom we had a 10+ year gap ( e.g me 33 her, 23) at the time I thought no young woman would date an old man like me! funny enough these young women never used to mind the age gap, I would make a point on making sure I mention my age on the first date just to see if it would put off any of these young women off, it never did.
Women marry all sorts of guys rich, broke, educated, illiterate etc there are many weddings which have been funded by women… one my buddies was broke and jobless for 3 years and the GF at the time even took a loan and funded the wedding!
Meff unasumbua,I’m 35 ,kamshahara kadogo,seven kids,first born form 2 ,last born bado anatambaa,kwa ufupi hakuna pesa mingi au kidogo ,mambo ni kujipanga.
You just confirmed what I am saying. Huyu jamaa ni mzee, sio young kama vile wewe ulikuwa ukioa. So kumpea advise yenye wewe ulitumia ni pointless. Soma comments vizuri utaelewa kwa nini hafai kuoa kama vile nyinyi mlioa. Mtihani yake ni tofauti hawezi tumia answers zenyu
33 is not old. Also, I am sure you were not broke like this guy. Tell me which 23 yr old will date a broke 40 yr old.
@zimzimma
life begins at 40 so you got a whole decade ahead of you .And you never know what God is protecting you from by not giving you all the material stuff you crave for .
And also the woman part is true. When I was growing up there was this broke couple and they would go to the bar together everyday and go back to their timber house laughing and jovial sometimes screaming at each other…
But when you think about if it wasn’t for that woman that man would probably be dead or really dipressed. Wealth is not happiness and women do help. Plus your young , 30 is when life starts most men get married at 30 to 35 so you ain’t late .
my main point ilikuwa kuoa bila pesa. na pia that age pia si mzee sana
Patient: @zimzimma
Age: 4o yrs
Baggage
[ul]
[li]Old age[/li][li]Financial instability[/li][/ul]
FACT: Women tend to marry up, and men tend to marry down.
Potential suitors
[ul]
[li]A woman who is broke than him.[/li][li]A single mother of roughly two children. Due to his age, potential partners are likely to have two or more children.[/li][li]Aged between 28 yrs and 40 yrs.[/li][/ul]
Assuming a best case scenario that he gets a woman with two children who earns 30k, the total household income is 70k. 40k feeding one mouth is better than 70k feeding 4 mouths. These children are probably in primary school and will soon join secondary school in like 5 years. Education is expensive, not to mention the extra rent to be paid etc. @zimzimma will have to add at least 2 children of his own asikuwe anafanya kazi ya kanisa hence worsening the situation. If he takes this approach, he will never leave the rat race and will be worse off in the end. If the patient decides to marry, he will not even afford to save the little that he was saving initially.
VERDICT: @zimzimma is better off not marrying before correcting his financial situation. Advising him to marry would only make sense if he is below 33 yrs when age is not a baggage. This would enable him to access women with less baggage i.e those who are jobless but don’t have children(responsibilities), or childless women with mediocre salaries e.g mboches, mpesa girls etc.
Are you capable of misleading any further? Worst advise ever. Misery loves company kweli.
@zimzimma it’s never too late until it’s over. I say as long as you are breathing it’s not yet over. I do not know the science behind this but men with families tend to be more motivated and generally more stable. The good book says whoever finds a wife finds a good thing. Then it will all flow.
You are making it look like the situation this guy is in he can’t get a woman to marry. instead of encouraging you are just discouraging him more. Am even certain he has friends like you who tell him he can’t get a good single, young woman to marry since he’s approaching the 40s, my friend love and attraction is not based on linear conditions.