#Stolen. This will make @johnphombe wank to death
Kenya Kwisha is the new devil on the cross
A gathering of modern thieves and robbers was held in a cave at a place known as Ilmorog. The attendance was by invitation and only the reputable thieves and robberies were invited but as it normally happens, some 3 people who were neither thieves nor robbers found themselves in this meeting by chance and it was trio that later broke the story to the general public. In this gathering, the modern thieves and robberies were expected to give presentations of the tricks they had used to steal from the Kenya masses. They were also expected to propose new ways and means of improving the thieving enterprise. The meeting had been organized by the local franchise of thieves and robbers but the sponsors of this meeting were the international thieves and robbers who had come all the way from the USA, Europe and Japan. The thief with the best thieving presentation would be given a prize by the foreign masters, a directorship in a multinational or something even bigger.
The meeting started on the wrong foot when the first presenter happened to be a common thief and not a modern thief as expected. This common thief was wearing faded suit that had not been washed or pressed for a long time. He was a lanky man with eyes that popped the sockets like 2 ripe tomatoes. This common thief, thinking that he was in company of fellow common thieves started demonstrating how he stole chicken in the villages. ‘Kurukuru, kurukuru……kurukuru’ the man whistled as he demonstrated how he snared the chicken. The modern thieves looked at him with aghast and then jeered him forcing the security men to step forward to eject the common thief from the stage. The common thief left the stage while screaming, kicking and biting, but he was nevertheless subdued and chased away.
The rest of the presentation were less dramatic and the presenters now were the real modern thieves and robbers. The theme in all the presentations was about land, how the thieves had made a fortune from selling land at exorbitant price to the peasants and they wanted this to continue. There was also talk of opening fakes schools that raked in money from the middle class, the underpayment of workers in the coffee and tea plantations that had recently being bought by the local thieves. Interestingly, there was an argument of whether the noose should be tightened on the peasants or maybe it should be loosened a little bit. The meeting ended in a disarray when the 3 strangers in the meeting, sneaked out and organized to local people to invade the meeting and it was then everybody for himself and god for us all.
The meeting at Ilmorog cave, when compared to what is going on today looks like a Sunday school picnic. Let’s imagine a similar meeting happening today, who would be in attendance and what would they say. The 3 arms of government would be adequately represented and police would provide security round the clock. The church would also not be left behind and the opening prayers would be conducted by Ole Sapit with bishop Mark Kariuki doing the closing prayers. Judiciary would be represented by madam hot air and she would get standing ovation upon arrival. Nordin Haji would also be in attendance and would be wildly cheered by Wambui wa Ruto, Humprey Kariuki and others whose cases he has dropped. Speakers of the 2 houses would be there and so would be the majority of MPs, senators, governors and mcas. Rigathi would attend this meeting incognito, wearing darks shades, baggy trousers and camouflage jacket, but people will still recognize him. Zakayo, being the symbol of national unity would not attend, but would watch live transmission of the meeting while sitting pretty in the house on the hill.
This meeting would start on the wrong footing when the first speaker would turn out to be a hawker from Githurai. This hustler woul nervously step forward, clear his throat and then shout; ‘hustler, hustler, ……hurrubaro, hurrubaro’. The invited guest will look at one another in disbelief but before they can utter a word, police will come from all sides, pounce on the hawker and literally drag him out. The meeting would then properly start with the first presentation being given by…………
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