All I knew of this guy before now is that he’s a singer. But I’ve skimmed through earlier posts about his wife troubles. Life has certainly happened to him: it’s like he has lived, died, and lived yet again. I think his book will be worth reading when he finishes it. Good luck to him.
He really looks stressed. I don’t think he is ok yet. He’s putting on a brave face but I can tell he isn’t OK. I can’t imagine breaking up with someone who you have kids with and were married in church. Do you know that according to Christian teaching you can not remarry until the other party dies or else you will also be living in adultery? I think alot of people get married as a rite of passage but they never understand the gravity of that commitment. My uncle passed on recently has been single since when his wife died when I was a child for his children. Even when they grew up he did not remarry. Back in the day it was not even until death do us part, even Mwiraria never remarried after his wife died. Nowadays you can just walk out of your marriage and go to be with another person like you guys were just dating. When I was in high school my deskys mom was widowed and she met a wealthy widower who was like a dad to her kids, he had 5 kids and wanted them to get married and imagine she said no, she doesn’t want to do anything that could destabilize her kids like blended family and all. Siku hizi who is going to stay single after their spouse has died to protect their children even adult children? Those guys really took marriage seriously. Nowadays it’s just a joke. There’s a wedding I went to where they kosanad in the honeymoon, the bride left the guy huko and moved in with her exe immediately.
Life is a very slippery path, no one ever knows what tomorrow will bring. You can only plan, hope for the best, and pray that you will find the grace to live wisely. Some of the marriage expectations society places on people oppress the soul–till death does do us part may be desirable, but it is not always practical, because the only person you can control is yourself. What happens if the other person opts out? Is it your fault that they couldn’t handle the pressure? I don’t think anyone should be punished because a spouse walks out–unless the person who is left was the cause–after all, the vows are between 3 parties: you, your spouse and God. The rest of us are merely witnesses. And just to respond to the story of your uncle and other people you’ve cited, I think it’s only fair to let the person decide for themselves. If children are involved it can be tricky, but some people still manage to move on. Imagine people who marry in their late 20s or 30s, then it doesn’t work, or one them dies before they are 40. They could live into their 80s or 90s. Unexpected things do happen to a person in this life. The way I see it is no one has all the answers, it is a matter of building on today to get to tomorrow, one day at a time. Ultimately, what matters is how we navigate those stormy parts of life. I hope he pulls through.
Marriage serves as school of education for many where it can lead to edification in one case and degradation in another as it has happened to Daddy Owen and many others. However if a woman leaves her husband, she is then not free from him nor he from her for a marriage union having once been formed, it remains a union for all eternity.This means that by entering wilfully into sexual relation-ship with another being, we become attached to it in our will, and a partaker of its Karma.
Owen needs to learn if his wife left, she left. Yeah it will hurt but you dust yourself and move on. He can’t stay married to a shadow. There’s a mental commitment in marriage. If it’s not there by one party, the marriage is dead. Kaput.
Yes. Till death do us part- You can marry the moment your spouse passes. But the religious contract is with God. So if a couple decide to divorce, from that day the marriage is over. Or if a spouse decides to move on, the marriage is over. If there is no commitment from one party ,the marriage is dead. Paperwork for divorce is a mere formality.
Abuse, infidelity, incompatibility are valid reasons to divorce.
Church marriage, Marriage at the courts, Common law marriages are all the same thing. Some work some fail.
Its never the same after divorce or separation. Breaking up with someone who you are just dating is hard enough but now you have an eternal bond CHILDREN. It can turn your life into a pure hell. If the other person is not reasonable but why would you divorce if they were reasonable to begin with? That’s my worst nightmare, having to deal with someone I can’t stand on regular basis bcz we have children together. Believe it or not, I don’t know anyone IRL who is doing this Coparenting thing well like in the movies, after moving on to other people, it appears very nuased and like something that can be a big headache especially if the person is vindictive which people tend to be after they break up. The statistics for marriage currently are that there’s a 50/50 chance of success/failure, the watershed year is year 7, ever heard of the 7 year itch? For subsequent marriages the chances of failure double with every new marriage. Maybe that’s why Elizabeth Taylor was married 7 times then she just gave up altogether. It was getting worse with every new try. Kim and Kanye are breaking up already. She is filing on grounds of bipolar.
Its a very scary thing to commit to someone who you have no guarantees of how (s) he will turn out in a few years. For commitment phobes like me who can’t even commit to a flavor of ice-cream, it’s a headache just thinking of the risk but then I guess high risk high returns. It’s not for the risk averse though.
He will not be the same for a very long time. Divorce is devastating. Thankfully he believes in God, that is a huge plus. He took the risk, it didn’t pan out so what to do? If she died he’d move on so he will eventually, it’s only that he has kids too. The kids are hurting. He’s hurting. It’s terrible. Divorce is really terrible on kids they don’t have the shock absorbers for it.
God bless him, may the Lord meet Him in his dark night of the soul like He did Job. There’s a saying that when you hit rock bottom there’s no place to go but up. God will see him through.
Have you heard about the Betty Broderick story? She couldn’t move on and she ended up killing her husband and his mistress his secretary who had become his wife. Moving on isn’t as simple as it seems. It’s easy when it is mutual and you are both fed up with each other but if it’s one sided, it can turn ugly fast. Children have been murdered, suicide, homicides and it’s all about not being able to move on amicably especially when kids are involved. It’s complicated. It’s not as easy as you make it sound.
Breaking up with a woman is really tough. And vice versa. So I can imagine marriage is 100 times worse. And I have never heard of an amicable divorce. It’s “amicable” only in theory.
But there are times when a marriage needs to end -like I have mentioned. It’s even crucial to the mental health of kids.
You are right. Sometimes the damage is irreversible. It’s too far gone for anything to salvage it. Do you think that back in the day when divorce wasn’t an option, bad marriages did not exist? People can put up with alot when they feel they have no options. They can also do crazy shit bcz they can’t deal with the breakup. Like murder, suicide and killing their kids. It happens all the time this is why I am against pressurizing Daddy Owen to move, to me the guy even looks physically ill. He just needs alot of self care and time to grieve his losses for as long as he needs otherwise he will jump into another relationship then one day he will blow up. It’s not good to suppress shitty feelings by moving on to the next. Anyway maybe him and Mary Prude can be prayer partners. They could really help each other coz they are going through the same ish. Nowadays marriage is like dating as soon as it stops going your way you quit it. So sad but I knew Marie Prude was going to be dumped coz she played the masculine role in the beginning of the relationship. She was paying for dates and doing his budget. Men don’t seem to stay with these ‘helpful’ women. I guess they want to go out and hunt and catch their own prey.
Huyo owen was played. It’s tough but it happens. Time will heal him. At least Mary Prude has no kids.
And even back in the day divorce happened. It was fairly common. The man used to chase the woman away with her kids. Another way men divorced is by marrying another wife. It’s only our misinterpretation of Christianity that made it feel wrong to divorce , for a while.
Of course it is hard, but I guess separating from one’s children is even harder. Remember, your spouse is not related to you, that is a person you have grown to care for and you have agreed to share life with. But your kids are irrevocably a part of you; they will forever be. This is why the hardest thing about separation/divorce is not property, but child custody. A man can give a woman houses, land or cars, and never look back, but if she has his child he will always be in her life somehow. It is very few and heartless men who wouldn’t care about losing their children. Kids change you once they come into your life, coz you realize that you can no longer live just for yourself–you have some helpless little person in your life that cannot survive without you. What that does is it takes away your spirit of independence, your “selfishness”–you cannot eat before you know they’ve eaten; you cannot sleep if they are cold; you cannot rest if you aren’t sure they are OK. As they grow from grinning toothless dolls to individuals that can say mom or dad; to little mischievous brats who pull your ears to wake you up; to curious boys and girls who can ask questions and draw pictures, it is a process that you live through with them, and it creates a relationship, a natural bond. That is the factor that sometimes keeps people who are unhappily-married married.
This is just one reason that makes separation so hard and complicated.
Well think about the children, they know that you are half and their mother is the other half. Imagine where the man is powerful like mother in laws case and takes the children away from their mother or the mom bars the dad or badmouths or makes the children choose a side like Muthamas children? How do you imagine those children feel? You both are a part of them like you say they are irrevocably a part of you. To them you and their mother BOTH are irrevocably a part of them that they can’t compartmentalise bcz yall came together to have them. So to a child mind it makes no logical sense when you guys are separated. The child becomes fragmented especially when they see other kids who have both biological parents together. The children cannot make that distinction you are making that this child is part of me but their mother is not.
Growing up my folks had a tumultuous relationship and I often had this fear that they’d break up and they never did. What I picked from that is that my siblings and I were worth their putting up with each other’s bullshit. So the message the child gets is that to you they’re not worth the sacrifice of putting up with their mother or father regardless of the relationship between them as partners or parents.
This is why children from broken homes get into drugs and become promiscuous. The message they get is that they are not worth the trouble of you parents staying together to you especially if you marry or date other people. They get the message that those people are worth more to you than them. Because if you reject their other parent, they can’t differentiate yet that they are separate from their other parent. It’s a package deal. It’s like you marrying a single mother and telling her I want you and I can do anything for you but not for your child to her that means you don’t love her enough to take her with what or who is part of her which is her child. Diamonds kids will exhibit these issues when they are older bcz their moms will likely marry other men. It’s going to be crazy.
