Craziest Lanye Stories

[dingoo_wa_ingoo]

@Pastorde

I was lucky the first time when she told me to put my legs straight niliguza huyo lanye wa kuiba na mguu na nikashtuka, but akazusha ati nyinyi muache kunikanyanga hata kama mnatombana,

[Peloo]

Nani anajua corner za kupata lanye huku makutano ama meru town?

[Mlinda_lango]

Chokoraaz hebu amsheni hii thread buana.

[kevo_voke]

admin should pin this thread

[Terrorsummit]

@duskidauni

…ed kiherehere kama wenzake, in fact ni mtulivu kama mimi. A young lady. Mimi kama mtafuna mifupa nikasema bas. Nikamwaapproach nikawhisper swali nonsense ati amemaliza shule kweli. Akashift weight nervously akasema “mia mbili,” so far bado hajaniangalia. Sijui courage ilitoka wapi nikaanza kunegotiate, ati akinipea dry fry nitampea 300. Akanipiga eye contact na ukali. Nikajua kwisha mimi.
“350 bas.”

Maliza hekaya bana…how did it go from There?

[anon46421834]

@Pastorde

…ith my wallet and any extra money coz I thought they were only interested in the wallets, so I lost my phone. Kuanzia hapo I would leave everything at a friend’s place (he used to sell newspapers) and then go there na hiyo soo moja ya kukulana tu pekee. Many times nilikuwa napata pockets ziko inside out, wamekosa kitu ya kuiba. Thank God for his grace I quit that behaviour man. Jesus is wonderful!!!

The pussies over there must be real tite for you to keep going there despite kuibiwa.If you know someone could be hiding in there why not scan the place first before getting down to bizz?

[Mlinda_lango]

@anon46421834

…apers) and then go there na hiyo soo moja ya kukulana tu pekee. Many times nilikuwa napata pockets ziko inside out, wamekosa kitu ya kuiba. Thank God for his grace I quit that behaviour man. Jesus is wonderful!!!

The pussies over there must be real tite for you to keep going there despite kuibiwa.If you know someone could be hiding in there why not scan the place first before getting down to bizz?

@Starscream hebu amsha hii ghaseer

[anon79416965]

@anon46421834

…

Kenya8:

Wtf??? You was so good at chemistry that you decided d*ck + JW = neutral. Good stuff, keep up

Fortune favors the bold. With that your meekness hutawai dry fry yelloyello bajuni girl. Sasa niko kwa planteshen. The stakes are too high can’t risk drt frying anymore., but then again, hakuna type ya dem sija dry fry. Kiwete ndio bado.

Gdnite Guys

[CockSuckerGayKE]

@YvestiKKKa

…ld man’s, and I’d gone out with it just coz I had to get the uni docs… Showed them those too.
They talked to the lanye and I got back my phone.
One of the cops was from our side of the bundus, so tukaongea mother tongue.
We left the place nikiwa handcuffed and a crowd had gathered outside but gladly no news people yet and this was before decent phone cameras were all over.
Never set foot there again

Weuh, any queer spots? DM

[Kahawa_vajo]

@CockSuckerGayKE

…ith it just coz I had to get the uni docs… Showed them those too.
They talked to the lanye and I got back my phone.
One of the cops was from our side of the bundus, so tukaongea mother tongue.
We left the place nikiwa handcuffed and a crowd had gathered outside but gladly no news people yet and this was before decent phone cameras were all over.
Never set foot there again

Weuh, any queer spots? DM

Pigwa mawe ukufe shenzi type

[KuwaitBabe]

@Kahawa_vajo

…the uni docs… Showed them those too.
They talked to the lanye and I got back my phone.
One of the cops was from our side of the bundus, so tukaongea mother tongue.
We left the place nikiwa handcuffed and a crowd had gathered outside but gladly no news people yet and this was before decent phone cameras were all over.
Never set foot there again
Weuh, any queer spots? DM

Pigwa mawe ukufe shenzi type

I believe everyone is entitled to a sexual orientation they are comfortable with… #QueerLivesMatter cc @Mlinda_Tako @MTINGIZA_KITANDA @Kanguthi @Alfayo_Shindishindu

[Mlinda_lango]

@KuwaitBabe

@Kuwaitboot I was starting to respect you lakini naona wewe ni mjinga sana. Unaandika ushenzi kwa hii thread ya kijiji legend @Starscream.
Hebu tafuta hekaya za goalkeeper kwa hii thread before you open your diseased mouth ghaseer.

[Kahawa_vajo]

@KuwaitBabe

Pigwa ndole fala hii

[KuwaitBabe]

@Mlinda_lango

.

Hebu tafuta hekaya za goalkeeper kwa hii thread before you open your diseased mouth ghaseer.

My Apologies Mi Amor…

[Mlinda_lango]

@KuwaitBabe

…

Mlinda_lango:

.
Hebu tafuta hekaya za goalkeeper kwa hii thread before you open your diseased mouth ghaseer.

My Apologies Mi Amor…

Apology accepted lakini achia hapo madam. Last thing goalkeeper needs this January is a stab wound in the behind for unauthorized activities

[RICHPOURER]

The year - 2016.
I was a fresh faced 22 year old lad.
I had 1 previous dalliance with a lady of the night in 2012. Fucked her in a bush, lost my virginity y’know. Regular stuff.
This particular cold night at 12 am in the middle of July as I was driving back home drunk in my Mom’s jalopy I decided, “AHHH FUCK IT! LEMME FUCK A MALIAR TODAY.” Demons, pepo mbaya, being a man - call it what you want.

Was still living with the folks at the time.
In Hurlingham back then there was a healthy supply of flesh peddlers in the night (still think it’s the case now) so I scoped through the options and around Tamasha I saw the meal I desired. Light skin Kikuyu - type that makes me weak. I drove up, negotiated, deal agreed. 500 shot moja. I tell her I don’t have a place to do the deed in, she says, “No problem, Sir I know where you can fuak me”. I obliged.

We turn into a court opposite Best Western. For those who know Kilimani/Hurlingham well, you’ll be able to place it. She talks to the watchie and in we go. It’s clear they had some type of agreement. Anything would do. I was horny.
I then proceeded to bend her legs over my shoulders in the front seat of said parent’s jalopy and dhwacked away. I was there for a quick nasty nut. I got it. Mission accomplished.

I was now ready to leave. This is where it all went fucking south! On my way to the driver’s seat a random short man comes over to me in the characteristic way a plain clothes cop would approach you. If you’ve dealt with these pigs you know exactly what I’m saying. He proceeds to cuff me immediately. In that moment it dawned on me that me and the whore shared the same predicament - we were both fucked. My ride however, had just began.

“Kijana lazima utoe ng’ombe”. Twenty…ten…five thousand or my goose was cooked. Mind you I was twenty two and in uni, all my friends were 19 to 23. Where tf was I gonna get that kind of money and who tf was I gonna call to expose my deep nasty act to to get them to bail me out. Balls deep in shit. I accepted my fate.

Still cuffed I was placed in the back of the car, with two cops in the front - the plain clothes bonobo called for backup. Fine investigative work this was. They demanded I direct them to my parents. I had to. I was fucked. Much better than jail, no?

We get to my parents and the cops proceeded to spill the tea and a few neighbours caught wind of the situation too I believe. That’s unavoidable.
My Mom made frantic calls. How could she leave her malaya fucking son to get fucked by the long dick of the law. She bailed me out while I was still cuffed in the back of the car with the malaya next to me. In the midst of this ordeal she turns and tells me, “Si tuede tuishi kwagu pamoja. Mimi nitakuchuga”. Haha! I considered it for a moment. Despite the fact that it was clear that the bitch had set me up.

Easily THE MOST embarrassing moment of my life. Wish I could say that was my last dalliance with the whores but ummm…

TL;DR: Went to buy some pussy, got set up by the pussy

[Depay]

@Enhe

… sawa)

Mtu amewaiingia aniambie experience ya huko

We ingia mwenyewe

[ndungu]

[Yomomma]

@Nyangumi

…e, watatuma million iende. But bado tunakula slices.

Victim’s particulars

[Starscream1]

Hii thread bado iko?
Watu waongeze hekaya