So Back in 2019… around April, Mimi pale kijana barobaro, niko second year 2nd sem pale kisii university(the Harvard of Africa) undertaking my LLB degree… Niliwa Kisumu ndogo(small center around kisii-university-99% of the population ni students) nikimumunya Blue Ice quora imechanganywana na ile Keg senetor ya Mia…nikiwa na Rafiki yangu wa kiti cha kwanza Pato…this after attending the morning classes pale Law school ya Harvard of Africa,we were basically done with the them classes for the day. Around 12pm Mzae akapiga simu nifike Town pale Cooperative Bank anipee Pesa nilipe Fee yangu na my siblings( end sem exams were around the corner) Akanipea 100k ni cash, crisp notes from co-op niende KCB just opposite co-op, kwa wale wanajua kisii Town you can clearly picture how close those banks are. With 100k kwa bahasha nikavuka lami hapo na kuingia kcb straight to those over boards za kujaza karatasi ya kuonyesha the type of transaction i was going to conduct with the cashier. Mzae fulani akakuja karibu nami akaanza pia yeye kujaza hizo karatasi… after a moment i could clearly see that he was unable( at least then:D)- he was shabby with an oversized cort, worn out shoes and an extreme kisii accent-akaniomba nimsaidie kujaza form, maelezo yakiwa pia yeye anataka kulipa karo ya shule ya mtoto wake ako maseno… so as i am filling the form we are having a small talk, i got to reveal to him that i was also paying fees( revealed the actual amount) tukamaliza kujaza tukaelekea kwa waiting bay tukingoja our turns tufike kwa cashier…we were seated two benchs behind the cashier but the two front ones were not full. After what seemed like an eternity, my ticket number was getting closer to being called a certain Old man came and sat right next to me. So am sandwiched by this two old men(55-60 of age) wa kwanza yule niliyesaidia kujaza karatasi na this late entry man. Baada ya Muda with a strong luhya accent this new entrant akaniuliza hapa naweza badilisha pesa za kiarabu, mind you by slightly showing me his , i noticed those were dollars and not arabian notes as claimed. Without hesitation nikamwambia hizo ni dollars and yes he can change them there. I directed him kwa watchie nikamwambia kama uko na Id enda kwa yule akupee ticket number uchill uende kwa cashier. With a low tone, a bit slower and a little shaky akaniambia siwezi kwa sababu sina kipande then he proceeded to explain claiming ( that he had stolen the money from his arabian boss while he was cleaning his house adding that he had not been paid for two years now and he could not wait anymore so he had to do the necessary ( how dump i was:D). My criminal instincts kicked in. Nikamwambia if you have any phone switch it off toa battery and tutoke hapa KCB we go to another smaller bank( Greed instincts had kicked in too- considering the wards of dollars i had allegedly seen early) tukitoka nikajijazia kimoyomoyo kwamba huyu fala hata hajui ako na dollars kwa bahasha nitamsaidia kuzibadilisha na noti za kenya nijitolee zangu ( at this point i had fully believed he understood nothing about dollars and the exchange rate - nikaona nimeangukia Jackpot hapa) so nimeacha kulipa fees 100k still in my hands nimetoka na huyo mzae KCB, while outside deliberating on which small bank we will go to , to complete the heist. The previous old Man who i had helped fill the form for payment of fees followed us outside, he had eavesdroped on our conversation so he called me to side and said " kijana wacha nikusaidie kubadilisha hizo dollar ziko mingi na huwezi badilisha peke yako na pia nikama huyo mzee hajielewi" this was delivered in ekegusii … to supposedly build my trust with him over this luhya- dollar holding gentle man… (vile Dj Afro husema “aah Makosha”!!! ) This was a Blunder… TO BE CONTINUED
Am sure hawa maghasia had planned their games perfectly na kama uneitisha samples to cross check unge pewa original notes uwe confident. Pole sana kiongos.
Continuation: at this point i had a already deceived a plan of how we gona exchange the dollars in three different banks, ( IBM, SBM, DTB) all in town. Early on he had indicated he had around 100 notes of 100 dollar bills quick masemasics nikaconclude ni meter na upuzi kiasi juu. With pure Greed nikamwambia hiyo ni 600,000 khs. With the kisii gentleman as my right hand man “deputy chief exchanger of dollars” the plan was we will each be given 35 notes first to go and change then i go back later to another bank for the remaining 30 notes But first we were to confirm if the dollar’s are legit so we decided to head to Credit Bank(ya Nyachae family) pale kisii the said kisii gentleman akajitolea aende ajaribu kuchange-akapewa 100 dollar bill moja akaingia credit bank after some few minutes he was back with 6k kshs akamkabidhi the owner akisema the dollar was legit( mind you those were my instructions ndo mluhya asijue exchange rate). From this point now i fully believed we were going in for a kill( i had estimated around 450,000 would be at our disposal for division between me and the kisii guy) - i was already fantasizing how 225k will be in my pocket in a few minutes (tayari plan ilikua nishuke mombasa na pato tuende kuaribu 125k considering sisi na mafan wa Blue ice na ma hoe wa - 150 correction kisii bei ni Mia, that was really more than we could need) Then the Luhya guy acting surprised of the 6k he was given suggested we head to a restaurant we eat because he had never held that amount of money in life( nikajijazia kweli huyu ni fala- not knowing i was fala) basi tukaingia jazz - opposite club Cj’s tukaweka order ya nyama na Kc mzinga in 1hour we were done, i was literally sub- tipsy by this time sijui ni kuchanganya kc,blue ice na keg - lakini since i was an heavy drinker then nikasema hiyo ni kitu kidogo. In between eating the luhya guy brought trust issues quote" kama hii noti moja yangu imeleta 6k naweza waamini aje na 35 notes each zangu. Before nimjibu the kisii guy said niko na fee hapa ya mtoto wangu 75 k shikilia hizo kama trust nami bila kusita nikamwambia hata mimi niko na 100k we shikilia tupee hizo dollar tuchange( i could literally see myself in the sandy beaches of mombasa with them swahili bitches caressing my my bony shaped chest- a smirk literally filled my face) bila kusita the luhya guy akingia kwa bag after like 10 min akatoa bahasha mbili akatupea in exchange for our bahashas( at this point the con was visible but my mind was in Mombasa) i did not even question kwenye ametoa the extra ya kutupea sisi wawili. The kisii guy was the first to leave for SBM bank, nikamwambia kwa kikisii ukumbuke kutoa nusu ya pesa utapewa, after like 10 min the luhya guy akasema "pia wewe enda TTP- DTB:D ulisema mimi nikimalizia mzinga mnipate hapa …I left the restaurant literally running towards DTB niende kutoa pesa i was not planning on going back cause 35×10000=350,000 na upuzi juu ya e exchange rate, nieleze wadau ningerudi aje na 350k nipewe 225k na naweza enda hivo venye niko na extra 25k juu nilikua nimemwachia 100k yangu… Mimi pale nashuka kutoka jazz past credit bank towards DTB wakati nakaribia kufika safaricom shop nikasema hata sichange zote wacha nitoe moja niende nipewe kumi zingine zitabadilishiwa mombasa - i knew he wont report me because that was stolen money . Nikatoa noti moja it was a little lighter and felt like paper lakini zangu zimeshika ni sa nane jua imechoma and i had confidence the kisii guy alichange moja nikiona( i thought so) kuingia DTB nikasmile na cashier na kumkabidhi noti yangu moja na before hata nimpee Id akasema kijana hii noti haiko sawa nikamshow nurudishie hata sijui alinipea aje mimi huyo nje nikafungua bahasha mzima kuangalia legitimacy ya dollar zangu -that is WHEN THE CON SUNK IN… :eek:Wadau nilitaka kupiga nduru , mdomo haukufunguka, koozi langu limizidiwa na dryness, the sun literally turned bright yellow lakini niliwa naona Giza, sijawai pumua venye nilipumua hiyo siku, i was sub-tipsy but suddenly i felt totally drunk then sober then drunk then sober … sijawai elewa hii feeling) i was literally holding a bunch of fine tuned papers that looked like dollars… wanasema wanaume hawaiti mama zao …lakini kama sio mdomo kua mkavu na ulimi kua mzito kwa kweli ningemwita aje anisaidie… From DTB to jazz is about 400 meters a small stip, climbing lane lakini hiyo siku ilifanana mlima, my legs were not working… by the time nilifika huko the Luhya guy was gone no evidence of him existing was left in Jazz… thats when it dawned on me kumbe the kisii guy was all part of the con… i realized siwezi enda polisi cause my story would not be straight, i could not remember their faces my mind was blank … long story short ( the rest of that year haikuwai nipata sober i could not bare the embarrassment to my ownself let alone my parents) but i accepted the fact that Karo yangu ya shule ya maisha iliwa long overdue) I have never smiled, talked, or even given a second of my time to a stranger… nikitoka kwa nyumba hivi ni sura ya kazi mbaka nirudi kwa nyumba …
, i noticed those were dollars and not arabian notes as claimed. Without hesitation nikamwambia hizo ni dollars and yes he can change them there. I directed him kwa watchie nikamwambia kama uko na Id enda kwa yule akupee ticket number uchill uende kwa cashier. With a low tone, a bit slower and a little shaky akaniambia siwezi kwa sababu sina kipande then he proceeded to explain claiming ( that he had stolen the money from his arabian boss while he was cleaning his house adding that he had not been paid for two years now and he could not wait anymore so he had to do the necessary ( how dump i was:D). My criminal instincts kicked in. Nikamwambia if you have any phone switch it off toa battery and tutoke hapa KCB we go to another smaller bank( Greed instincts had kicked in too- considering the wards of dollars i had allegedly seen early) tukitoka nikajijazia kimoyomoyo kwamba huyu fala hata hajui ako na dollars kwa bahasha nitamsaidia kuzibadilisha na noti za kenya nijitolee zangu ( at this point i had fully believed he understood nothing about dollars and the exchange rate - nikaona nimeangukia Jackpot hapa) so nimeacha kulipa fees 100k still in my hands nimetoka na huyo mzae KCB, while outside deliberating on which small bank we will go to , to complete the heist. The previous old Man who i had helped fill the form for payment of fees followed us outside, he had eavesdroped on our conversation so he called me to side and said " kijana wacha nikusaidie kubadilisha hizo dollar ziko mingi na huwezi badilisha peke yako na pia nikama huyo mzee hajielewi" this was delivered in ekegusii … to supposedly build my trust with him over this luhya- dollar holding gentle man… (vile Dj Afro husema “aah Makosha”!!! ) This was a Blunder… TO BE CONTINUED
ya kutupea sisi wawili. The kisii guy was the first to leave for SBM bank, nikamwambia kwa kikisii ukumbuke kutoa nusu ya pesa utapewa, after like 10 min the luhya guy akasema "pia wewe enda TTP- DTB:D ulisema mimi nikimalizia mzinga mnipate hapa …I left the restaurant literally running towards DTB niende kutoa pesa i was not planning on going back cause 35×10000=350,000 na upuzi juu ya e exchange rate, nieleze wadau ningerudi aje na 350k nipewe 225k na naweza enda hivo venye niko na extra 25k juu nilikua nimemwachia 100k yangu… Mimi pale nashuka kutoka jazz past credit bank towards DTB wakati nakaribia kufika safaricom shop nikasema hata sichange zote wacha nitoe moja niende nipewe kumi zingine zitabadilishiwa mombasa - i knew he wont report me because that was stolen money . Nikatoa noti moja it was a little lighter and felt like paper lakini zangu zimeshika ni sa nane jua imechoma and i had confidence the kisii guy alichange moja nikiona( i thought so) kuingia DTB nikasmile na cashier na kumkabidhi noti yangu moja na before hata nimpee Id akasema kijana hii noti haiko sawa nikamshow nurudishie hata sijui alinipea aje mimi huyo nje nikafungua bahasha mzima kuangalia legitimacy ya dollar zangu -that is WHEN THE CON SUNK IN… :eek:Wadau nilitaka kupiga nduru , mdomo haukufunguka, koozi langu limizidiwa na dryness, the sun literally turned bright yellow lakini niliwa naona Giza, sijawai pumua venye nilipumua hiyo siku, i was sub-tipsy but suddenly i felt totally drunk then sober then drunk then sober … sijawai elewa hii feeling) i was literally holding a bunch of fine tuned papers that looked like dollars… wanasema wanaume hawaiti mama zao …lakini kama sio mdomo kua mkavu na ulimi kua mzito kwa kweli ningemwita aje anisaidie… From DTB to jazz is about 400 meters a small stip, climbing lane lakini hiyo siku ilifanana mlima, my legs were not working… by the time nilifika huko the Luhya guy was gone no evidence of him existing was left in Jazz… thats when it dawned on me kumbe the kisii guy was all part of the con… i realized siwezi enda polisi cause my story would not be straight, i could not remember their faces my mind was blank … long story short ( the rest of that year haikuwai nipata sober i could not bare the embarrassment to my ownself let alone my parents) but i accepted the fact that Karo yangu ya shule ya maisha iliwa long overdue) I have never smiled, talked, or even given a second of my time to a stranger… nikitoka kwa nyumba hivi ni sura ya kazi mbaka nirudi kwa nyumba …