CHE_VEKELI CHRONICLES: I AM LOOKING FOR MY KID

Like the title states, I have been looking for my kid for the last 17 years, I have a strong gut feeling, this ninja is alive somewhere, but before i get to that, i will start from the beginning…Long before @uwesmake had his butthole brutally annihilated by gaylords i was in high school, a choice i regret because i feel i should have gone direct to campus from primary…
[ATTACH=full]149556[/ATTACH]

It was a Saturday evening, like any other Public high school in Kenya we were preparing ourselves for entertainment, Esir and Nameless had just released a club banger and we hadn’t listened to anything rhythmic apart from my deskmates unapologetic pungent farts, Amugongo wherever you are, thank you, i have been entertaining peps for years with your stories. Me, Dmax(God rest his soul), Kegode, Obare, and Teddy Kasam were preparing for a different kind of entertainment. Obare lived in a small town, 5 bob back in the day, from school, he often snuck home and got us goodies (Sweet potatoes and Boiled maize) and he also knew when there was a funeral close by school, we would sneak and enjoy a night full of busaa and reggae music, and the local girls of course…yes, this is regular occurrence those days, kama unafikiria your kid is safe in an upcountry school…well no!

OMEGA ONE

Obare had just got word from one of his friends that OMEGA ONE would be hosting a reggae show in his hometown that was about 7 kms from school. I had just about 300 bob and was looking to have a fun night out. Entertainment started around 6;30 and everyone was converging next to the Dhall ready to dance their souls out, we usually snuck out of school in civilian clothing since there was a community rule that anyone who brought back a sneaking student was given 100 bob, villagers need that 100 bob and trust me they could hunt you down and split the money even if t meant everyone got 2 bob.

At 7pm sharp, we gathered at our usual spot, it was called taking a flight, 1, 2, 3, 4, and lastly the last heavy thud from @Mwendabai Albert . We had one stop before we could go to the main road and get a mat, we had to get some booze. Teddy knew some local joint owned by a dini ya msambwa couple, to get this guy to sell you changaa or cham like we called it, you had to rub the grillin front of his house in a specific way otherwise he would think you were cops and wouldnt open up. Teddy knew this well, we all knew how to do this.

YESU ASIFIWE

Immediately you rubbed the grill this ninja would jump out of the house, trust me (Luyas are dramatic people) and shout “YESU ASIFIWE” dressed up in his full religious attire, we gave him the 20 bobs and our 250 ml bottles were filled with this crude traditional brew. 1, 2,3,4,5 we flashed that shit down and hopped for a great night out. Soon we were at the town, everything looked vibrant, and there is something interesting about these small towns, when there is such and event, you can see how psyked out people really are, there were hundreds of young people all clad for the night, milled outside the venue waiting for the decks to go on, Obare took us round his small town, this place was smaller than Langata Shopping center, and while we were walking through some corridors we noticed a prostitute. Well, she dint come off as that right away, we just saw a young naive girl hiding in the corridors and since we were a bunch of horny teens i decided to go talk to her.

HIO KISWAHILI YAKO SIELEWI

Talkers, back in the day, if you had cool slang from Nairobi, all the girls wanted you. Approached this girl and said “Walapaz?” she was like, “hio kiswahili yako sielewi” i told her untakaje? unado nini hapa solo?" She said, “Nangojea mtu wa kuniingiza Omega One.” It was 50 bob to get in so i told her, i could get her in if i screwed her, which she immediately aggreed. So we walked around the town looking for a safe spot to bone, and we found an unfinished building right next to the highway, some weeds had grown infront of the entrance and made a perfect curtain for our little ordeal. Hapa we had to do this thing standing and after a few strokes of that punani that condom burst. before we go anyfurther my buddies were just outside the structure watching the whole thing go down, and this mama dint mind at all. I was embarrassed at the whole situation so boychild acted like nothing happened nikakamua hio kitu dry fry. Well, lets say, i always thought i was HIV postive until i was tested in Campus…nakuambia the trauma i had every time i had a cough or flu is unimaginable. Well, i came inside her…seriously…ile ya kufungiwa three months without seeing a female.
As you would expect…all my buddies had a go too, shida, i suspect that mama got paged, and in those eras kutoa mimba was for the rich…i have always felt she got child, one of these fine days i will visit that small town find out if there are any familiar fat faces…
To be continued…

26 Likes

:eek::eek::eek:
Nimewashia hapo.

2 Likes

Ile bangi ulivuta Chavakali haijaisha kwa kichwa, you nut inside a lanye once and you think you got her pregnant?

Nice writing skills though boy.

4 Likes

Back in the day Chavakali was a nonstarter. Hata me hushangaa how it was elevated to a national school at the expense of “Heshima na bidii”. Sisi tulikua tunakula madem wa Sigalagala na sio tafadhali

1 Like

Fuking disgusting, homo shit!
WTF is wrong with you, you have became a worshiper of uwesmake!

Specifically Chavakali High School, bangi iko huko ni grade 1.

3 Likes

hahaha you are right

1 Like

Back in the day Chavakali was a nonstarter. Hata me hushangaa how it was elevated to a national school at the expense of “Heshima na bidii”. Sisi tulikua tunakula madem wa Sigalagala na sio tafadhali

1 Like

Calm your tits mguys, why i include this ninja in my posts is purely strategic, you need to understand writing better to know why

3 Likes

:D:D walapaz

5 Likes

Which school did you attend? I went to Chesamisi. Chava is a force now, there is some unrest now coz their principal was moved to Machakos High.

3 Likes

Musingu

1 Like

:D:D:D:D:D nice narration.

2 Likes

There is no guy who went to school in the slopes of Mount Elgon and came out level headed. One often came out a buffalo. Adapted to survive in the wild.

4 Likes

Hehehe, hekaya iko tops

1 Like

Buffalo soldiers.

1 Like

Hekaya iko sawa

why are you convinced ni yako ndio ilipenya? Kulikua na three different samples za sperms na za mmoja wenyu ziikua home ground. Most likely yake ndio ilipenya. Like playing with Barca at Camp Nou

2 Likes

nice hekaya mjamaa, nice prose

Hekaya poa, except an ordeal is supposed to be, well, odious.