Boredom Cafe: Some not so funny nerd jokes. [long thread]

I asked my North Korean friend how it is over there. He said he couldn’t complain.

Why is 6 afraid of 7. Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

I invented a new word. Plagiarism.

Never leave alphabet soup on the stove and then go out. It could spell disaster.

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where’d you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want'."

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

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It takes a lot of balls to golf like me.

I didn’t know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there.

A programmer's wife sent him to the store. Her instructions were: "Run to the store for some bread. See if they have eggs. If they do, get a dozen."
The programmer came home with 12 loaves of bread. 

There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet.

Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.

Q: Why does C++ hate hanging out with C?
A: It’s because C has no class.

"Write a wise saying and your name will live forever." - Anonymous

Exaggerations went up by a million per cent last year.

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says, "I'll have some H2O too".
The second one dies.

CAPS LOCK - Preventing Log-in Since 1980.

A system administrator has 2 problems:
- dumb users
- smart users

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The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.

Programmer.
A person who fixed a problem that you don’t know you have, in a way you don’t understand.

Satan and The Son of God are both on their PCs coding when a fuse blows cutting power to both workstations.
Satan goes over and sorts out the fuse, comes back and boots his PC only to find that all his work has been lost.
Furious, Satan looks over to see his counterpart happily carrying on where he left. Satan leans over and asks.
"Hey, why have I lost my work and you haven't?"
The other smiles, turns and replies, "Everyone knows Jesus Saves."

A database admin walks into a NoSQL bar. A little later he walks out because he couldn’t find a table.

5/4 people don't understand fractions.

“That’s what.” - She

You should use chromosomes in your ad because everyone knows sex cells.

I don’t see the point in whole numbers.

A man is trying to understand the nature of God, time and the Universe.
He asks God, "How long is a billion years to you?"
God says, "A billion years is like a second to me."
The man asks, "Well, how much is a billion dollars to you?"
God says, "A billion dollars is like a penny to me."
So the man asks, "God, can I have a penny?"
And God replies, "Just a second."

How Long is a Chinese name.

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Q: What is a black hole?
A: It’s where God divided by zero.

My daily Unix command list: unzip, strip, touch, finger, mount, fsck, more, yes, unmount, sleep.

Evolution is God’s way of issuing upgrades.

You know you are addicted to the internet when you find yourself typing "com" after every fullstop.com

A photon checks into a hotel. The porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies, “No, I am travelling light.”

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here." He doesn't react.

A programmer had a problem. He decided to use threads. now two has. He problems.

Q: Why did the police arrest the Adobe Acrobat file?
A: Because he was a PDF-file.

Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Don’t drink and derive.

What is the object oriented way of becoming wealthy? Inheritance.

I am addicted to brake fluid. I can stop whenever I want.

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A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said “We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed”.

The engineer said “I think I’ve got a few spanners in the back. I’ll take a look and see if I can work out what’s wrong”.

The programmer said “Why don’t we get going again and see if it’s reproducible?”

A logician's wife is having a baby. Straight after birth the doctor hands the baby to the father. The wife asks impatiently, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
The logician replies, "Yes."
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If there was no C we'd be programming in BASI and OBOL.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
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From Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
[B]Endless Loop:[/B] n, [I]see Loop, Endless[/I]
.
.
[B]Loop[/B], Endless: n [I]see Endless Loop[/I]
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Don't let your kids watch symphonies on TV. There's too much sax and violins.
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Remains to be seen if glass coffins will be a success.
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I had a near sex experience. My wife flashed before my eyes.
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Apparently, I snore loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.
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What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

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6 Likes

RAILA, LUO AND KIKUYU
Every time the Luo and Kikuyu people come together for a common political cause, they make sure that they achieve it no matter what. A good example is when they came together to fight for multi party democracy in Kenya. The result is the freedom we enjoy today. Over the last decade, some important events have happened. In 2002, Hon Raila endorsed Kibaki for president and went ahead to campaign for him until he won the presidency. At that time, every time he went to central Kenya, he was welcomed and declared a hero warrior. This shocked the Mt Kenya political and economic elite. These people greatly fear the man because of he is a social Democrat. They feared that should Raila be allowed to penetrate the Central region, he might become the president and this is their worst nightmare. So, they created a propaganda that Raila just endorsed Kibaki so that he can overthrow him later. The propaganda was quickly disseminated by the mainstream media which they own. They also said that he have a great Kikuyu phobia (Kikuyu hatred). First that notion is a lie. Hon Raila has build many Kikuyu politically like Isaac Mwaura, Margaret Wanjiru, Mumbi Ng’aru, Rachel Shabesh etc who later turn against him. Then, he has in his inner most political circle the Kikuyus. All his important point men are Kikuyus. His lawyer Paul Mwangi, David Mwangi Ndii Nasa strategist, Charles Njonjo and many others stationed in Orange house. People might even think that Raila has allowed himself to be hijacked by the Central people. A key event that happened few weeks ago also tell us something between the Mt Kenya people versus Raila relationship. The man was first well received in Kiambu when he campaigned there for the first time. Just like in 2002, when he was declared a Kikuyu warrior by the Central people, this did not go down well with the elite there. They know that once the man take the Mt Kenya people under his armpits, they are finished politically. That is why they have to use all tools in their disposal and close the Kikuyu people in a cocoon. The next time Hon Raila went to Kenol, it was said that Waititu had hired goons to pelt his motorcade with stones. This was aimed to portray the image that the people there did not want him. But in real sense, the masses have no ill feel against the man. It is the Mt Kenya elite who want to use the communities for their own selfish interests. From what we have seen, if Hon Raila is allowed to freely campaign in the Mt Kenya region, he would convert a large number of people owing to his political genius. This is something the elite there are not ready to allow and would anything to prevent for it would badly leave them exposed. Now, you know what goes around comrades.

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Kwani you guys have to put politics in all threads? Sigh…

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Not all threads kuna territories hawezi sail hizo flag zao
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Kwanza I think Jaymo trolled all threads Jana with the post above.
Tag me next time when you land in those territories…sounds like heaven.

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Ait!

You and GIFs . :D:D:D:D:D are you even human? You kind of remind me of Technical boy in American gods now.