I asked my North Korean friend how it is over there. He said he couldn’t complain.
Why is 6 afraid of 7. Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
I invented a new word. Plagiarism.
Never leave alphabet soup on the stove and then go out. It could spell disaster.
A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where’d you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want'."
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
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It takes a lot of balls to golf like me.
I didn’t know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there.
A programmer's wife sent him to the store. Her instructions were: "Run to the store for some bread. See if they have eggs. If they do, get a dozen."
The programmer came home with 12 loaves of bread.
There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet.
Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
Q: Why does C++ hate hanging out with C?
A: It’s because C has no class.
"Write a wise saying and your name will live forever." - Anonymous
Exaggerations went up by a million per cent last year.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says, "I'll have some H2O too".
The second one dies.
CAPS LOCK - Preventing Log-in Since 1980.
A system administrator has 2 problems:
- dumb users
- smart users
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The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.
Programmer.
A person who fixed a problem that you don’t know you have, in a way you don’t understand.
Satan and The Son of God are both on their PCs coding when a fuse blows cutting power to both workstations.
Satan goes over and sorts out the fuse, comes back and boots his PC only to find that all his work has been lost.
Furious, Satan looks over to see his counterpart happily carrying on where he left. Satan leans over and asks.
"Hey, why have I lost my work and you haven't?"
The other smiles, turns and replies, "Everyone knows Jesus Saves."
A database admin walks into a NoSQL bar. A little later he walks out because he couldn’t find a table.
5/4 people don't understand fractions.
“That’s what.” - She
You should use chromosomes in your ad because everyone knows sex cells.
I don’t see the point in whole numbers.
A man is trying to understand the nature of God, time and the Universe.
He asks God, "How long is a billion years to you?"
God says, "A billion years is like a second to me."
The man asks, "Well, how much is a billion dollars to you?"
God says, "A billion dollars is like a penny to me."
So the man asks, "God, can I have a penny?"
And God replies, "Just a second."
How Long is a Chinese name.
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Q: What is a black hole?
A: It’s where God divided by zero.
My daily Unix command list: unzip, strip, touch, finger, mount, fsck, more, yes, unmount, sleep.
Evolution is God’s way of issuing upgrades.
You know you are addicted to the internet when you find yourself typing "com" after every fullstop.com
A photon checks into a hotel. The porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies, “No, I am travelling light.”
Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here." He doesn't react.
A programmer had a problem. He decided to use threads. now two has. He problems.
Q: Why did the police arrest the Adobe Acrobat file?
A: Because he was a PDF-file.
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Don’t drink and derive.
What is the object oriented way of becoming wealthy? Inheritance.
I am addicted to brake fluid. I can stop whenever I want.
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A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said “We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed”.
The engineer said “I think I’ve got a few spanners in the back. I’ll take a look and see if I can work out what’s wrong”.
The programmer said “Why don’t we get going again and see if it’s reproducible?”
A logician's wife is having a baby. Straight after birth the doctor hands the baby to the father. The wife asks impatiently, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
The logician replies, "Yes."
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If there was no C we'd be programming in BASI and OBOL.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
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From Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
[B]Endless Loop:[/B] n, [I]see Loop, Endless[/I]
.
.
[B]Loop[/B], Endless: n [I]see Endless Loop[/I]
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Don't let your kids watch symphonies on TV. There's too much sax and violins.
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Remains to be seen if glass coffins will be a success.
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I had a near sex experience. My wife flashed before my eyes.
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Apparently, I snore loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.
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What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
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