Birthday ya babes

My second year in college and my first love was a brown, spotless Kipsigis girl from Tenwek. She was in KMTC, Nakuru. She stayed outside college in those plots where houses face each other with washrooms at one end and a gate at the other end. One day she got mad at me and didn’t talk to me for 2 days. I had forgotten to wish her happy birthday, as the first person in the morning. It was during those end of semester exams period when one momentarily get a brain disconnect. But surely, who forgets birthday ya babes!
After the second day I could not hold it anymore. I sent her a text that I would visit her the following day, Saturday. I was done with exams and also wanted to go and see my father on some matters. To my surprise she readily agreed.
I decided to pull a stunt. Armed with a 600 bob bottle of red sweet wine, 100bob black forest cake and 50bob chocolate bar, I boarded the 5am shuttle to Nakuru. The first knock on her door must have been at some minutes past 7am. A brief waiting then another knock. The third knock & the door opens.
Standing in front of me was a tall, dark Luo man with only a towel wrapped around his waist. He was probably one half times my height with a big chest, 6 packs and huge biceps. I felt a hot flash in my stomach, my pupils dilated, a cynical smile formed. I felt a strange boldness engulf me.

Me: unafanya nini hapa wewe?
Him: wewe unafanya nini hapa?

We looked at each other for like 5 seconds then nikamwachilia ngumi mbili moto za kifua. Akagurumisha ngumi moja nikainama aka miss by a whisker. His towel almost fell. Jamaa akaniita 'chieth maduong’, akaruka kwa nyumba probably kuvaa trousers ndio akuje aniangamize. All this took the best fraction of one minute.
Just when the guy went in nikaona the next door imefunguliwa nikasikia nimeitwa , “babes ni nini?”. In a split second nikaruka, nikaingia na tukafunga mlango na viti na meza na vitanda na wardrobes. Kumbe nilikuwa nimekosea mlango.
Kidogo kidogo jamaa akatoka nikasikia akiuliza huyo mjinga ameenda wapi. Akawika atani-murder. Luckily it was too early and nobody was outside to see where I had gone. Jamaa akatukanana kidogo then akarudi kwa nyumba swearing angeniua.Everything cooled down tukajipata tumeangaliana na babes tunacheka kama wajinga and that’s how we reconciled.
I presented my gifts to babes akawa excited sana akaniambia ananipenda sana na hatawai niacha though aliniacha akaenda kuoleka na burukenge ya huko Sharagita. Kwanza nikalima mtoto shot moja, breakfast, shot zingine mbili then tukaoga hapo tu kwa nyumba. By 10am babes alikuwa amenilalia kifua tukiwatch movie kwa bed, having forgotten all that had happened that fateful morning.
I had promised my old man that I will be in Ishaweri by 3pm so i had to leave before noon. Leaving time ikawa ndio mtihani sasa. Yule jamaa jitu bado nikimsikia akipiga story za kaka sungura hapo nje. Nikaambia babes nitatoka kwanza then if all is well atanifuata. Nìkavaa hiyo t-shirt yangu kubwa imeandikwa Chicago bulls, jeans baggy, reeboks za ‘dada supreme’ na kofia ya fifty cents. Nikapita jamaa hapo nje akifua kama ameketi na dame yake anapika hapo kwa mlango. Nikadunda kama homie nikaona jamaa ameniangalia but he didn’t have a clue who the heck I was. Kufika kwa gate nikasmile and felt like a real warrior.

HEKAYA TIMAM

:D:D

Never trust Kales about this. Atakudate five years alafu apate na mtu jinake kwa ID ni Kipkirui but inaprounounciwa as Pkurui, na after two dates, she’ll leave you for Pkurui. Never mind Pkurui looks like he’s never seen the insides of a classroom, he can be compared to Kalahari desert dwellers. The Khoisan

:D:D:D:D
This is one very stupid hekaya, bwana nimecheka kama wazimu.

:D:D

Hekaya on point

:smiley:

same to maasai chics

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Ungewekelewa hata ngumi moja tu hakuna shot ungechapa. Ungekuwa maiti na blueballs

adrenaline ilikudanganya. Huyo JADUONG agekushika na ungewekelewa mawe isemekane wewe ni mwizi. Are you sure babe never rode the alpha male that had you hiding in her house afterwards? :D:D:D:D

pewa like. nimecheka yangu yote :D:D:D:D

:D:D:D ati ‘chieth maduong’

Heka poa sana:D:D:D

:D:D:D

Huyo jamaa lazima alikamua huyo dame wako esp birthday sex yenye hukupeleka

“brown kipsigis”… gold mine.

True!

:D:D

I’m headed to Machakos to seek an injunction from Judge Odunga to stop you from writing such rib cracking hekayas!
You’re a danger to the ribs of all Talkers!