Big Chokoshes Can Go Thisha Themselves

So yesterday coming from my peasant shughulis of looking for prefab fundis as was adviced by kind mbirrionaires and idle peasants, I got myself in one of the big buses plying Thika road.

As an upper class peasant that I felt myself to be after discussing mîako (building) the whole day, I chose a “window” seat where I made myself at home and proceeded to whip out my smartphone to see how much further my post had degenerated. (Or progressed and improved since they were now borrowing each other!)

As few of my weekdays pass without a misfortune of some kind, I was beginning to fear this was one of those days. It was not. A fellow tribesman came and lumped himself beside me. In fact, he sat one bony ass on me and when I attempted to complain, I was met with a few choice expletives from our common tongue and a tangazo that that seat was not my wife’s. That was just rude to the ears and almost acceptable since this is Nairofi.

What was unacceptably rude was the assault to the olfactory thanks to 2nd generation vodka and exceptionally strong"marashi ya ufanisi" aka jasho. That prompted me to open the window completely.

Now, we were now at Ngara ya kariokor. Kumbe shaitani had sent his agents in the form of the characters featured in the heading. One them jumped a la basketball season MVP and tried to grab my smartphone from that height, and almost succeeded! I instinctively held fast to it to try and save my xnxx cache and to save this story for you.

The vile opinions he got from me about him, his mother and his kind got my drunk tribesman blushing. And in a loud voice.

Kama unataka picha hata wewe thi…?

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Hao hutaka unakwama na mkono. Dunga na pen knife.nail cutter knife . Mimi hubeba tester juu ya hii upuzi.

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Very common along Tom mboya street.between Imenti house and Fire station…Pole sana Talker narofi is becoming worse always be safe whether in public or personal wheels.

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Try Haile Selassie avenue, the stretch from Margaret Wanjiru’s church to the Old Marikiti roundabout,…

Lakini it happens to fast and you’re oblivious there is someone shining their eyes on your gadget!

I usually just keep my phone low-flung when reading texts or whatever in mathrees. Or if I shine the gadget out I have the windows locked. Even when walking around town I used to keep advicing my ex-wife to keep it in her bag if she aint using it. Wachana kumbe dem ni hao kichwa ngumu wa nairobi wale lazima atembee akibebe tablet-phone kwa mkono so that other chics can associate her with a certain background. She kept having to buy new ones every now and then kwasabu ya hiyo kichwa ngumu yake hadi she started hiding the true reason why her phone went missing (KUNYANGÁNYWA KWA STREETS/MATATU).

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Hapo nilinyoroshwa mbaya sana.

or the stadi-machakos airport stretch. dehjalass!