After successfully quitting alcohol this year, I am thinking of making my next move. Which business can I start with a capital of Ksh 500,000? Ideally, I would like a business that does not involve heavy inventory. I am okay with a service business, or a business whose inventory can be ferried using my saloon car to the business. Also, I need a business that is scalable into a company in future. I am currently vetting various ideas, and since most ktalers have experience in diverse businesses, I will appreciate your input. Thank you
buy 500gms of 100% pure cocaine @ 500k… mix it with 250gms of baking powder… n sell in 2gms sachets… one goes for 2500/-… thank me later… am on my final stages of meking meth at 75% purity
I wish I could earn your trust! I have this so very brilliant idea, but I don’t have the cash. It has the potential to make us, well, er… well off over time. Not risky, I have good experience. But I require a mature, reasonable and reasoning partner. And, yeah!, the 500K is enough!
Start a fake dating site linking rich white men with Nairobi women:
a) create thousands of fake profiles of white men(preferably Americans, Britons, french and Spaniards)
b) make sure they are rich and ‘prince charmings’.
c) make all of them sound that they are crazy about marrying kenyan women
c) market the site to women looking for white men to settle down.
d) you can throw in something about them being ‘God fearing’ and marriage oriented
e) throw some e-pastor somewhere as the ‘founder’ of the site. :D:D
f) create fake ‘customer satisfaction’ BS
g) charge every woman $10 every month to access dozens of white men crazy about kenyan women.
h) at least 100, 000 women will subscribe- that’s a cool $1m per month.
i) run the scam for 2 years…that’s $24 million. maximum expenses= $300,000
j) close the site.
K) start posing as a successful businessman. Stupid media will carry your story. You’ll be a celebrity
L) contest a parliamentary seat to scam more fools
m) Thank karl marx for your wealth and, more importantly, thank your gods for creating stupid women obsessed with white men.
n) appear on one of these TV shows and start yapping how ‘dedication’ , ‘hard work’ and ‘trust in God’ made you successful. You will have thousands of
followers who you will scam another day once you come up with another scam.
Business Plan Two
a) Open a church and call it Latter Day Nineveh House of Financial Miracles and Deliverance From Husband-less Lives.
b) Call yourself Bishop/Apostle/Reverend
c) Visit river road for a masters degree in theology and miracles. It will be cooked in a few hours
d) Hire loafers to claim how they were cured from diseases through your prayers. You can even ‘resurrect’ one loafer and every idiot will join your church
e) charge 20k for a miracle and 30k for women looking for husbands.
f) Sell anointed oil for 1k a bottle. If you can be moving 5k bottles every week, that’s a cool 5m every week or 240 million every year.
g) if you can perform 2k miracles every year, it comes up to roughly 100m every year. Tax free.
h) start all manners of programs in your church ’ Women of Zion, Men of David …etc etc. Here you can charge even 100k per miracle prayer in order for all of your followers to be the CEOS of safaricom within 1 year.
i) to gain publicity and ‘good name’ from the public, be visiting mathare together with the media to donate blankets once shanties in mathare are incinerated by January sun
i) you will be assured of a constant stream of ‘customers’—even as i type this, hundreds of tomorrow’s idiots are being born.
Business Plan 3
a) Visit a mganga who will pray for your money to quadruple .All you need is to visit the mganga in his shanty, hand over your money, close your eyes and wait for the miracle. Enough said.
Congrats for quitting poison. Think of starting a food delivery business. Many people have no time to search for a well-prepared lunch due to their busy schedule. If you could get a cook who is accustomed to coastal cuisine, then I can assure you you’ll do great in Nairobi. Just start with one cook & one delivery guy. Print attractive pamphlets advertising your service in busy business centers.
