Amateur Cupids

‘I reminisce over the days when I was a kid and sometimes I wish I was a kid again.’ - OldSchool 2Pac.

We all have kid moments that we look back and wish we never did some of the things we did( or do we?) .
I was this aggressive kind that always want to know what’s ahead of them. So here goes…

Episode 01: Just Rubbing It
There was this chick when I was a hard 4. She was around 4 also or more. One time I pretended to be sick to avoid going to school. That very day she also did not go. Tukajipata tukicheza kwa varanda. My mum used to leave an old mattress lying outside for me to sleep on nikiwa nje. Tukajipata tukicheza hapo. Kidogo she suggested, ‘tufanye tabia mbaya.’ Boys are slow and so I asked what that meant. She pulled down her skirt and said, ‘tutombane.’ She then told me to take off my pants na niekelee kijiti kwa sambusa yake and added, ‘bora usiingize kwa hii shimo ya red juu itakuuma ama tukwame tupatikane.’ Nikawekelea juu and she started moving my waist back and forth with my thingy hard and I couldn’t even understand what I was doing. Kidogo kumbe fala ingine kitu 7 years pia haikuenda chuo ikatokea na kutushtua,‘Nimewapata. Wewe kwanza mamako ako kwa stairs akikam’. Tukaamka haraka na kuanza kupandisha kila mtu suruali yake. Akasema ata yeye anataka ili asituseme. The chick agreed and we rubbed in turns by counting from 1 to 10 and then tunatokeana. Kidogo nikaskia, ‘Ghaii, oouuchh!’ niliteleza nikaingiza kwa shimo. Tukaamua tuwachie hapo. ‘Tufanye sku ingine sahii umeniumiza nkt!.’…and kids that’s how I earned my first medal.

Episode 02: Asking for Older P
Nikiwa kitu class 3 hapo and school was closed. All the kids kwa goro were playing brikicho na nikajipata nimejificha na kaschana fulani kalikuwa class 6 hivi. Nobody found us nikaskia, ‘mmewin tumeshindwa kuwapata. Toklezeeni.’ In my winning spirit nika whisper to her ‘tumeshinda lakini hawaezi jua tuko hapa. Watadhani tumeenda kwa hao kuona cartoon, si tufanye tabia mbaya’ with such confidence kama ghasia. Niliwekwa slap moja ikaskika kila mahali, ‘wako kwa nyumba ya dush huko juu. Hiyo ni slap!?’ Within a minute everykid was on the top floor na sisi tunatoka polepole juu tulikuwa tumefinyana hapo ndani ya hako kanyumba ka mbao. My older sister then asked, ‘Ni Agnes amekuslap?’ and I answered shyly rubbing my cheek, ‘hapana nimeanguka.’ 'Anadanganya sista slice alikuwa anasema ati tudinyane. ’ The beating I got that day… And no medal was earned. Never talked to her again hadi wakahama.

Episode 03: After the Cut
After kutoka circumcision ocha nikiwa class 4. I was in the house alone nikiwatch movie ya strikerrr! Kidogo kwa dirisha nikaskia, ‘slice. Ebu kam kidonye kwa dirisha. Si utufungulie, unafanya nini peke yako kwa haoo?’, these were some two neiba chicks - am sure these two ended up being kungurus ama hookers kama walipata D or singo mathas.
‘Na watch striker’, I answered.
‘Si utufungulie tukuje tuone sisi hatuna deck kwetu. Na kwani mlibuy TV kaladi?’
‘Sawa kujeni kwa mlango ntawafungulia na leo mtoe slippers.’
Just 5 minutes into the movie watching, one sheepishly asks while covering her nose, ‘tumeskia ulitaihiriwa. Si utuonyeshe tuone vile inakaa.’
‘Mlidanganywa, badoo ata mbuyu alikataa alisema ni mapema.’
‘kwendaa sistako walituambia’
‘siwezi waonyesha… Na tukipatwa’
After some kubembelezwa I got soft nikafungua zip na nikawaonyesha. ‘ikiwa hivi sasa naskianga ni tamu’, one of them said and we all burst out laughing. Then one suggested, ‘si tucheze mdinyano tuskie na bora tusiseme’. Now let me interrupt - 3somes are overrated. It seems all young girls always say the same thing as kids (or it’s a motherly advice), ‘usiingize kwa shimo ya red.’ **Ok. Nikiwa ocha kuna kijana ilikuwa imenichanua ikaniambia hiyo shimo haiumangi kitu, na ni tam sana. ** Mimi nani?, niliingiza wa kwanza kwa shimo akawika mpaka huyo mwingine akasema, ‘aai mi staki kama utaingiza hapo.’
‘Ebu ngoja naskia uchungu sana toka.’
Silly me, this time sikuwa najua kupaka mate kwanza ni kitu ya maana. Mwingine akaslide under turn yake. Nika rub rub alafu yeye mwenyewe akashika mjulubeng akaingiza kwa red no-go-zone. ‘Unafanya?’ I asked, and she was like, ‘wewe endelea yangu hainanga uchungu.’
After like ten minutes of pumping, we all decided tumechoka. The other one was still like, ‘naskia uchungu’ and the other shimo was like, ‘jifanye na utembee vizuri hakuna mtu atajua. Mara next itakuwa rahisi.’ And just like that I earned medal number 2. I was now the most decorated ghasia. Na happ ndiobnikajua hiyo red hole inakuwanga na harufu - mbaya lakini mzuri ukinusa kama kijana.

More episodes later… Season 2.

mwenye anasummarise wacha afanye hivo. Hii series sisomi

Summary : fantasies of a deranged peasant pedophile. Umeffi tu.

episode 2 Ni Kali… hehe

:D:D:D:D
kashimo ka red…SMH

You must be a pimp now in real life

I’m now scared of what my teenage daughter does. I changed along the way. Kupatikana na uncles ocha, high school STDs and near HIV situations.
I look back and see nothing interesting in sex but as a kid it was just a hell of XPs.

Leta episode 2

episode 3, danganya toto jinga. ati ulihump for 10 minutes na hukunut? boss, at that age, and its your second time, even the though of kashimo ka red or watching porn had you nutting all over without contact na inatoka na foce kama ile maji ya zima moto.

Empty balls. I was 9. By 10-11 I used to nut a clear fluid. Real njoti nikiwa 14. Next time if you want to feel special comment elsewhere.