long read, just so you know…
Thoughts That Help Me Sleep At Night
who i am cannot be stated in the simplest terms of black and white, for:
Am I just spirit, intangible, a theoretical construct. a fleeting glimpse at divinity. a non-being that is attempted into existence?
perhaps I am just the physical, flesh and blood body; seen, heard, smelled, tasted and felt. base, primal, animal.
Or do I exist in others? through (and by) the emotional action-reaction I inspire in you…?
it would be simpler to try and fit an eye through the needle of a camel than quantify or qualify my humanity under such constrained parameters. for i am molded of clay and of breath and carbon atoms and complex molecules, i am sound and heat and movement; another link in the energy transfer chain.
i am thoughts.
i am dreams, hopes, desires.
i am anger and destruction, i am love and creation.
i am hatred. i am vile. i am vice.
i am celestial dust motes blown across the infinity of empty space.
a minute dot on the infinite canvas of time. a wisp of fancy, a trick of the light.
i am all these and less.
to be
is to be and to not be.
to exist across all dimensions of reality
both simultaneously and separately.
i am not an amalgam of the physical and the metaphysical, i am both and none. when I question who i am, i not only question my existence but reaffirm it as well…
Is the ‘I’ of i not mutually inclusive and exclusive? encompassing every single moment that i both exist, and fail to exist; the who/ what i am and the what/ who i am not then.
I ‘am’ also what i am not, at this particular moment.
Am I not (im)mortal, existing as (well outside) myself?
i exist in the legacy of my progeny succeeding me and have i not lived (faceless and unnamed), legion, in my forbearers preceding me?
i am the culmination of millions of years of genetic bartering yet i am but the first infantile step in the journey of humanity.
i am all and i am none.
and that’s just fine with me.
…