Relationships generally are extremely tricky to navigate especially if you are a woman. The advice I give to all women at home and abroad is that even though women are emotional beings, the worst thing you can do as a woman is to be driven by emotions when it comes to men and relationships.
At a certain age you may not be able to differentiate between feelings and reality. During this stage, try to employ distance when you are in the throws of infatuation. After some time the heady feelings calm down and you start seeing the person as human again. Alot of women who would go with the follow of falling in love, found themselves, barefoot and pregnant or even married and having ditched a job or school because the guy promised them heaven. After the feelings die down you realize this is a total stranger who you are now pregno for, kosanad with the people who love you most, no job, dropped out of school for. It’s like you were in a drunken stupor the whole time.
Avoid sex and lending money. OK. These things happen under some circumstances like being alone with the guy, like being too open about your finances. Drinking and drugging. Basically ensure that you minimize your liability in the relationship. If you don’t get pregnant, get AIDS or get conned of your hard earned money, it does not matter if you fell for a person who turns out to be a horrible human being but if you have a child to remind you everyday of what an idiot you were at one time, your quality of life is likely to be affected by the constant reminder in form of a child or a loan you are paying that you have nothing to show for. You can enter into a dozen stupid relationships but if you limit your liability, at worst it will be experience and a story of when you were wet behind the ears at one point in life.
OK. Moving on to locale. Relationships differ depending on where you are. If you are in certain places the dynamic can vary starkly. If you are abroad, you will need to be careful not to be pumped and dumped by Kenyan men who induce a superficial nostalgia of belonging and camaraderie to get between your legs. Single people abroad generally are very lonely and lack social support because they just work, eat and sleep and go on ktalk and can be easily taken advantage of because of that. In Kenya if you are single, you still have a pretty good network and if you are active in church that in itself is a whole other family, so it quells your feelings of being alone. Especially newbies who don’t know the drill can be misused before they get the facts right. If a Kenyan guy has a child especially with a white woman keep off, he’s paying child support which reduces his income quite abit, such a man is bitter, likely broke after he pays child support and sends money home. Such men are crypto nite do not touch them with a 10 foot pole even if they pull out all the stops and try to sweep you off your feet, they’re looking for an easy, regular supply of sex, they spend their lives moving from one relationship to another. I knew someone like that, he would put all his relationships on social media, I don’t know if it was to humiliate the women. He’d court, date, pump and dump all on FB live then he deletes everything takes a brief hiatus pretending to be heartbroken then start the same routine with another woman. Who thinks it’s true love.
Its a jungle out there protect yourselves. Don’t have sex. Don’t give loans. Don’t move in together. If you have the time date multiple jungus. At least they won’t make you a laughing stock among Kenyans abroad if things fall apart.
At the Coast, there’s alot of charms involved so again if you don’t want to become zombified after sex with a local,keep off sex before you become enslaved. Date non locals. If you want to date white folk avoid sex bcz white folk on holiday don’t use condoms and are very promiscuous. This can be your one way express ticket to HIV. Have a fun time and leave it at that. White men are men too and they like feminine, demure and coy women not swinging by chandelier types. Fall back and give as little as you can. Less is more. Once you take sex off the table men have no power over you. They can’t immobilize you with pregnancy and trap you for the rest of your life. They can’t infect you with incurable diseases. They can’t use charms to enslave you. You hold all the power and they hold none. The only way to know a man is with you for you and you alone is to give him NOTHING until he makes an honest woman. Women can’t afford to make mistakes. One mistake can destroy your future for good.
Fill up on love from God and others. You will be less thirsty and less vulnerable to the lies of men.