Recently I’ve been coming across a lot of cases where single mums abuse their kids and or let their boyfriends abuse their kids.One such case led to the murder of a 4 yo girl in Houston. The mother found out that her live in bf, with who she has one child the latest child, she had 2 previously, was gay and after confronting him about this and telling him she was done with him and returning his engagement ring, she went out out of state for her pops funeral and left her children with this man who had abused her daughter physically before . After breaking up with him. The man claims that the confrontation pushed him over the edge and he killed the woman’s 4yo daughter.
Yall know I am very pro women, but this time around, not so. Just recently I was on the local Kilimani Mums group and a woman came on who said she was housing a child a girl 4 yrs old bcz her neighbor and her live in were overworking that child and physically abusing her. She gathered some ladies they reported the matter the two were arrested she was given the child to stay with for the time being as arrangements are made for the child to go into foster care.
I’ve never been in this predicament but from observation I find single moms especially younger ones who weren’t widowed or have no child support coming through, are very bitter with their baby daddies who probably abandoned them.The kid probably is a replica of the estranged baby daddy, so every time she looks at the child, the anger comes back all over again. These mums are also in need of financial help and very desperate for their kid(s) to have a father figure so that basically makes them easy prey for low value men. Meaning men who are already married. Bums or men with no money nowhere to live who will act all fatherly to get into the woman’s pocket, panties and shelter. The other group is men who want to use and dump or even impregnate and dump the woman. Yes! I know someone whose mom has 5 kids from different dads. 5 different dads. That’s just how treacherous men can be and how vulnerable or gullible, single motherhood makes some women. So I am not speaking hypothetically, everything I am talking about here, is what I’ve seen IRL.
The thing that women need to understand about being a single mother is that it’s like a welcome mat for men to take advantage of the woman. Generally men perceive single mums to be weak and to be foolish. By weak I mean easy to manipulate. By foolish I mean driven by emotions more than by logical and also not being their own number one priority. Which translates to having low self esteem. The thing with men, is that they are naturally predators, so the more vulnerable you as a woman appear, the more attractive you are as a prey. I mean why work hard to chase a healthy gazelle when there’s an immobilized one here?
However in all this, isn’t the women because they’re already grown, if they choose to be easy targets for men, that’s their prerogative. My beef is when your single motherhood and all its intrigues put your child or children in danger. First of all danger of being abused by you, verbally, where you can find a mother, insulting and threatening a helpless infant in public place merely for crying. Or saying things like wewe ni mjinga kama Baba yako. The other danger is that of your child being molested by your boyfriends or one night stands. Frankly ladies if you can’t live without sex, take your shenanigans to a motel. Your home even with no kids isn’t a sex den. It is your sanctuary. When you have kids you need to keep your men as far as possible from your kids . Not just because they can get molested. But because men use your kids as bait, they are sweet to your kids to get you hooked. However the problem is your kids get hooked on these men you bring around them emotionally and they can’t disconnect as easily as an adult so what happens is your kids suffer heartbreak every time they get attached to the man you’re dating then you break up for what ever reason. Remember that these kids are also hungry for a father figure so anybody male you bring around them they will latch on to that or those men emotionally. Meanwhile the child is getting wounded over and over again as if growing up with no father isn’t enough of a wound.
When you become a parent, you must grow up first, you must stop thinking like a girl and morph into a mother. You must figure out how to finance your kids every need more so when there’s no father around. Instead of hooking up with men for money, you must learn to be self reliant and to work hard and invest well. Because reliance on men for financial support is a bottomless pit, it’s basically prostitution. For some women they’re even forced to sleep with baby daddies to get child support that’s legally the child’s right by law. That’s how ugly it can get when a woman loses control of her life to men for financial reasons or whatever. Ladies let’s become more responsible in this area of single motherhood coz kids deserve better than all these messes. We are the ones who make the choice. Whether to have kids, when and with whom. Let’s return back to the place of honor God gave us as women. Do not let anyone be more important to you than you and your kids in your life. Than your well being and happiness and that of your kids. Take control of your life and future. Do not just follow any man who comes your way. Be a leader, be the leader of your life and your kids life. Be true to your self. It’s that simple.
Saum Maqbul.