I don’t know very many of them IRL. But I think they are super women bcz I see how hard it is to raise kids when you are two parents. I don’t know how they do it. So here’s the thing. I am not going to judge the circumstances through which people end up being single mothers bcz I also know some single fathers who infected their wives with HIV effectively killing them but it’s always single mums who get a bad rap.
So your kids have only you. You must provide for them, you must give them time and attention all by yourself if you are not Coparenting. So to my mind I don’t know how you can even date bcz you are playing the role of two parents. It’s double the work. But being human and all you want love and companionship. Maybe some help to raise your kids. I mean if strong mommy chrissy with her 9 kids can still be dating, why can’t you with your 1,2,3 even 4 kids.
However it’s a different ball game bcz the bottom line is that your kids come first. So first off you can’t date a broke ass bcz it’s not like you are swimming in money being a sole bread winner and even if you are Akothee or Zari and you have all the money. It’s still never enough when you have kids. So don’t date a guy who has financial problems and who can’t be of any help to you financially incase you need him to come through for you.
Secondly you don’t have the time to be fooling around with men, your kids need your time bcz you are their only parent while others have two parents so your time is very very precious. Remember that kids spell love TIME. So time is your most precious resource, don’t waste it on a guy who has nothing to offer you. Just bcz you are lonely or whatever. Get busy building a great life for your kids and you will never know loneliness until you are an empty nester.
Majority men just have a bad attitude towards single mothers so protect yourself from that negative energy by being focused on your kids. If you get caught up in cycles of dead end relationshits it’ll bog you down and since you are all your kids have, you can’t afford that. You need to be full of light and love for your kids sake. Getting into wrong relationships will drain you and the negative energy will affect your kids emotionally.
You should not have any apologies for wanting what you want. If you need a partner who can help you financially, that’s what you need nobody should shame you for wanting what you want. Your life your choice. Don’t just take whatever you can get bcz you are single mother. You are still a woman and you are entitled to want what you want. If you get a raw deal it will take out of your already overextended resources which is something you cannot afford as a single parent. Of course avoid exposing your kids to men bcz some are pedophiles, others are users, who just want to use you for sex or add your burden of kids then run away. So you have to be militant and laser focused. Always put your kids and God first. Be a shining example for your kids. Remember you are their only role model. Involve your dad in raising them bcz they need a father figure too. I am normally amazed at how much single mums juggle. All mothers are special regardless of the circumstances that made them mothers. Stigma is normal in society for outliers but it should never be internalized. Internalize the fact that you are such an amazing person that you are doing the job of two parents and you are not dropping the ball. Part yourself on the back. You deserve it. The past is the past. Forgive and forget. Including forgiving yourself for past mistakes. Makosa sio kufanya kosa, makosa ni kurudia makosa. Even God accepts U turns. Life is what you will make it. Many great people were raised by single mothers. Many. The key is to let God lead you in every thing you do. Minister Farakhan of the nation of Islam was raised by a single mother. She was a God fearing woman and she raised a great leader by herself simply by being a godly woman and raising her children in the fear of God. With God every thing is not just possible but amazing. Be a good role model, don’t get caught up in vices like clubbing, drinking, sleeping around, prostitution and the like. You are all your kids have. That’s a huge privilege but also a huge responsibility. Learn on God. He is the husband to the husband less and the Father of the fatherless. No matter how bad your baby daddy is, don’t bad mouth him to your kids. He is still their dad even if he be the devil and children’s love for parents is unconditional. If nothing else, be grateful that something beautiful came out of your union. Your precious children. Be happy and be at peace. In His time, God makes all things beautiful when we surrender to Him.
The biggest challenge in any woman’s life is men, is that narrowed down for you? I don’t need to expose it, even a child knows it. The moment a woman removes men from her life for anything beyond their utility value to her, she will never even know the meaning of the word stress ever again in her life.
There is no help men can offer ME. I am too advanced for the help of men. I rely on God. God is the only reliable source of help in this world as we have now seen with this virus. The Bible says, cursed is he who relies on man. Males are not super human. If anything even their immune system is weaker than that of women as Covid 19 has proven. Men die on average 10 years earlier than women. So maybe they should help themselves first before claiming to be the Saviors of women. A man can’t withstand the pain of labor, it would kill him. So much for being the stronger sex.
I am not a single mother bcz it goes against the tenets of my faith. Maybe I will adopt but I haven’t felt the need for it yet and I may never. God is the most important part of my life. I love and I trust Him more than I even trust myself. I am old enough to understand that God’s laws are Supreme and that they’re in my best interests bcz what do they benefit God? Nothing.
My point in this essay is that single mothers and every other woman for that matter should not waste time with men who add no value to their lives. Particularly bcz they are pressed for time and resources as single parents. No man or woman should shame them for their past mistakes and tell them that bcz they are single mothers they only deserve broke men, and men who use and abuse them. They are still created in the image of God and they still deserve good men, not brokeassed, users, abusers and pedophiles.
The Bible is very clear that a man who does not provide for his family is worse than an atheist even if he is a pastor or has gifts of healing. That’s how seriously God takes women and children. So I don’t know who these men who keep telling single mothers to lower their standards think they are. Are they wiser than God?
No woman should have the time of day for a man who can not provide for her and her family. It is even a sin to get involved with such kind of a man. And it’s worse if you are single mother bcz you literally have no time and energy to waste on losers and users. Your kids need you. Afadhali you just stay single and celibate and focus on God and your kids. A man who can not provide is completely worthless to any woman. Yes I said it. Worthless. No woman should waste her precious life energy on such a man. Even if she’s a single mother of 20 or she’s 100 years old.
You write pretty well. I read that you unleash 500 words per post! Kudos! Anyway, do YOU find life to be a challenge (for YOU) to an extent that you attribute YOUR problems( including lack of suitable partner) to an amorphous group of men, and not the specific man/men who make you adopt the position you have? It is easy to talk about men or women, but that does not narrow down onto the solvable specifics that define your life. As for this forum, “you are probably preaching to an already converted lot, and they have a strong stand on issues”. I can tell from the posts. FYI I am no counsellor!
i have a feeling the insult (motherf***ker) came about from single mothers raising male kids… single mothers are very lonely people whose family-life may turn incestuous … a quick search online will reveal alot !
You are the one assuming that I have problems which I attribute to men. For me I am perfectly fine with my life. PERFECTLY. So called ‘suitable partners’ are the source of angst in most women’s lives. To me the most suitable partner anyone can have is God. The rest are what musicians call marafiki viroboto.
All I am saying in this posts to all women especially single mothers is that you should not entertain nonsense in your life bcz you made a mistake and got pg out of holy matrimony. And any man telling you that you should date broke men bcz you are a single mother or that you should allow men to misuse you for sex ati bcz you are a single mother. That is nonsense. The fact that you got a baby out of marriage doesn’t make you sub human. You as a woman STILL deserve a provider male. Anything less is not your portion in Jesus name. End of story.