Right now you seem lost and it’s OK to be lost because in the lostnesses we go through in life, we grow, we learn what we don’t want and most importantly what we want out of life. I am also speaking from what I have learnt through my own experiences and other people’s experiences. I’m a voracious reader so I learn a lot from people I will probably never meet in my life so don’t be like how do I know all this.
- It’s OK to be single. For some reason our society has made being single almost a crime. As a result people are in all kinds of toxic relationshits just so they won’t be single. Kids are being molested and killed bcz their mothers can’t stand the thought of being single. I know the pressure is a million times worse when you have been a public figure.
You don’t have to move out of a 10 year relationship and jump into another one immediately and then you meet a guy in June and by September you are pregnant with him.
You don’t owe anybody anything and you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You don’t have to have a man in your life to prove that you are worthy to people . You don’t have to have children to prove to anything to anyone, including your own family. The uterus is in your body, you have veto power. Nobody else has shares. Being a mother is a huge commitment for a woman. You have to have the right dad for your kids. It’s not just a matter of having children because of biological clocks. So just jump on the next man who hasn’t had a vasectomy and get a baby already. Get a baby by hook or crook. No. Get a baby with a man who may not be able to provide or stay for the long haul bcz one day when you are old you will regret it, you won’t have someone to take care of you, well don’t you know any old people whose kids are more of a burden to them than a help? I know a few. I love children and I don’t have children. I don’t want to be yoked to a wrong person for eternity because I was desperate to have children before time ran out. I have accepted that my values and my happiness and peace mean so much to me that even though I love children, I am willing to sacrifice that for what I think is right. Everything has opportunity costs. I’m not willing to compromise on some things so I can have children or a man. That is how simple it is and the moment you get clear about what is important to you in this life, you do not struggle to pick what is right for you and walk away from what isn’t no matter how tempting it is and how much pressure people put on you. You have peace because you know that you are doing what is right FOR YOU.
My point is, don’t make permanent decisions based on fear. Life has no guarantees, don’t use bad means to get to what you think is a good end. Anything worthy having is worth getting the right way.
2)Never make ANY man the purpose of your life or the reason for your living. So women are socialised to be extensions of men so this one needs some deprogramming.
If you look at widowers and widows, you will see men see women as a utility. So widowers remarry quickly. Meanwhile widows are stuck 20 years later because the man was their life. The inlaws move on. The kids move on. A woman won’t even go on a date because she feels like she’s betraying the memory of her husband and soul mate and all those things. She meets a lovely man but won’t remarry bcz when she was with the deceased she completely lost herself in the man.
That’s the problem when you lose yourself in relationships with men, even if it’s a marriage made in heaven,you are an individual, your life has meaning and purpose of its own. Even if you were the first lady of a county that should not make you lose sight of the things you want to achieve in life as an individual.
Relationships turn into addictions like heroine addiction because women especially loose sight of who they are. If you know any drug addict, if it was a doctor or an A student, the first thing that goes out the window is their personal identity, their passions, their purpose in life. Everything becomes about the drugs. It’s the same thing with men. No different. The moment YOUR life becomes more about the man than about YOU, check yourself into rehab. You are losing the plot my sister. Men can not define you. Same way your children can’t define you. You must define yourself. YOU. If you have no identity, so you take the identity of whichever man that comes into your life, you will have a huge problem because men are all about themselves. They never put anyone before themselves, if they think they will do better without you, they won’t stay ati because you, you sacrificed 10 years of your life that you will never get back and you have nothing because you did not do anything for yourself. They will leave you behind so fast your head will be left spinning.
In this world you are on your own. Never ever put anybody before yourself bcz the only person who you will always have throughout your life is yourself so give yourself the number one priority in your life bcz even if he does not leave you, he can die, what will become of you if you had made him your everything? Even children die, like Kianjokoma brothers so if they were your reason for living do you crawl in the grave and die with them?
Mami jipende. You’ve lost yourself. Now is the time to find yourself. You are the cake. Every one else is just the icing. Without you, there’s nothing. Go back and remember who you were. The things you loved. The things that made you happy before you started using drugs(men) to feel happy. Detox.
These men are obscuring your light, use them to amplify and magnify your light, your purpose and your greatness to the world. You are an amazing woman. It’s not men who made you amazing its God Himself so go back to Him and He will make you shine not as an extension or a someone’s show piece but as YOU the woman created in the image of God. The life you are in and have been in does not reflect the dignity of God. The good thing is that God accepts U turns. There’s nobody God made great in the Bible who hasn’t messed up, in fact they were the absolute worst. So yours is infact a very small case to God, He specializes on irretrievable cases. Write off. You are not there.
If life was smooth and we never made mistakes what would we have to love God for and praise Him for? How would we have testimonies about the goodness and the mercy of God if our stupidity and stubbornness never let us to hit a wall or hit rock bottom ? God is so kind and so loving, return to Him. God will not share His glory in you with any man. NEVER.