Disclaimer: Hakuna mbisha
Last month, you might have noticed I was on a sort of mini-hiatus. As in I wasn’t as active in my attention seeking exploits here on Kenyatalk as I usually am cc @LeoK. I’d really like to say I was busy with work, but that would be a lie. My mother raised me better than that. In the spirit of honesty, I must say I was buried under a mountain of pussy. Okay, two pussies hardly make a mountain, but they’re two more than what @Mzee mzima has had this entire year.
I shake my head every time I read about blue handles here asking for directions to pussy peddling joints. That’s because some of us get it at the snap of a finger, without paying shyet. In fact, there are times when I have to block some few sausage wallet owners because hitting it has become monotonous. Not bragging, just stating facts. In my nearly 2 decades of having sex, I’ve realized that women are turned on by a variety of stimuli. The one most of you lazy men reach for is the wallet. So having a few coins plays a role. Good looks also significantly boost your beaver hunting skills. I’m yet to achieve dorra birrionaire status, so option one is not really an option. Looks I have, that’s for sure. Coupled with a sharp sense of style, it makes for a killer combo. Again, just stating facts. Although I’m already blessed look-and-style-wise, I’d say my biggest asset as far as acquiring “fine china” goes is my sense of humor. If I had a dollar every time a woman told me “aki captain obvious wewe ni m-funny”, Jeff Bezos would be my bitch. Alternatively, if I had a dollar every time a girl smiled at my jokes then later allowed me access to her vertical smile, I would at the very least crack the Forbes top 1000 billionaires list. But that’s neither here nor there.
On to the topic of this thread. Last month, I was busy banging two pussies. Early 20s, just like I like ‘em. There’s one thing I’ve noticed about girls that age, they dish it out like it’s about to go stale. Because I was accessing their honey pots at the same time, I had a chance to gather some unique insights as far as, umm, sexual health matters are concerned. The two girls, let’s call them Lucy (coz it rhymes with pussy) and Georgina (coz it rhymes with vagina) had vastly differing lady parts despite looking largely alike. Georgina’'s pink taco was extremely sensitive to touch. She needed to be very aroused in order to allow anything, even one finger, inside her papaya. Once wet though, she got super lubricated, to the point her penis garage lost some grip. I could push in my entire fist, if I felt so inclined. I didn’t. The other downside of this super wetness is that she got dry fairly fast.
Lucy’s cave of wonders on the other hand was markedly different. I could slide in my finger(s) at anytime. After planting the first kiss on her lips, it’s like the brain sent signals to the cooter that it was open for business. You’d expect her to be a mtaro, right? Wrong. It’s like her chacha could perfectly predict exactly how much lube was needed, then dispense it accordingly. The result? A most satisfying sexual experience. I could go for longer, her cooch was also lubricated just right, so maintained it’s grip without causing friction.
This phenomenon, two girls with nearly identical figures but vastly different poon architecture, baffled me a bit. As a somewhat renowned scientist, I wanted to get to the bottom of this mystery. To that end, after our next fuck, I requested each of them (separately of course) to stay longer, with their legs spread for hours so I could conclusively study their love tunnels. Their replies were almost identical, something along the lines of “wacha ujinga…una kichaa wewe? Juu ni kazi nimekosa?Mbwa” Regrettably, on each occasion I had to end my scientific study mere minutes after starting.
Don’t lose hope friends, coz I haven’t. I will keep drilling, both literally and figuratively, for clues. I know this sounds like a bold claim, but by the end of the year I Captain Obvious will have solved the mystery of the g-spot, and all that appertains to it.
And now, a picture of some home made peanut butter ice cream. Sande sana wadau.
