7 lanye commandments

The lanye stories are very funny indeed. I consider myself experienced in CBD. I maintain certain rules that have stood the test of time.

  1. Always stash some cash in your socks e.g if you have 3k, put aside 2k under your sock or if you have 20 distribute 18 both sides. This will save a lot of heart ache incase of any unforseen event. E.g cops, tricky Lanyes etc
  2. After stashing cash never remove your socks while inside the room for obvious reasons.
  3. Never go to a room with a Lanye with a bag that has valuables e.g laptop etc. Go to any decent hotel in downtown, the receptionist will agree to hold for you at a small fee, just ensure there are CCTVs
  4. Agree on a fee before you enter room e.g 400, 200 etc and ensure you have exact amount. Hakuna kutafuta change
  5. While in the room do a quick scan, if you notice suspicious turn back and leave. Lock the door yourself for familiarity.
  6. Once done pay and leave immediately, shot moja inatosha, never get cossy with a Lanye, that’s how they plan to plot against you.
  7. I’ve chips fungad several, the golden rule is once inside lock with a padlock and hide the key, Chini ya maji. Incase she becomes smart she won’t be able to leave without you help. Never drink or eat anything she gives you. If you must eat or drink let it be on your own terms. Once done pay and dismiss her immediately. Never get cossy, thats how they begin to plot.

as originally written by a talker called @Marcos

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Never fall in love bana

We lost a talker yesterday

  1. Always slip off the condom in the middle of the session ukule dry fry

All these nonsense can be summarised by this phrase “DO NOT LOVE LANYE”

Nyinyi ni wale mnaeza osha maiti ndio muomoke.

Which talker? Av been away meeen…

Do this rules apply to Airbnb elders?

Talker mgani?

We first lost @It’s Le Scumbag on unrelated news

Use ur brains goat , you have hired an Airbnb with your identity card then you bring a lanye who drugs you because of your stupidity of not following the rules ,and she steals the owners property you think after you wake up the owner will believe it was a lanye? U will pay for the loss squarely.

9.Never peleka lanye kwako that’s why lodgo ziko

Hapo kwa number 1. Why carry excess money while you have MPESA and mobile banking…

Alafu uambiwe uongeze doo ya dawa

Mpesa and mobile banking utatoa pin ukipigwa makofi na majangili at gun point, kwanza nyinyi matalks mnapenda kuhostiwa. Utaibiwa na ufukuzwe usiku na ngotha