2. Nairobi

Kingkong(KK) and I left the village for Nairobi to meet a lady whom I’ll call Titsy (you’ll know why)

From my last tale, lemme remind you that KK was my best friend with a club foot (although he passed on later (hekaya for another day)) and that I (sometimes) stammer.

We took a bus and landed in Nairobi’s country bus station at about 3p.m. The journey would have been comfortable and uneventful had one cunty passenger not carried a cat in a milk carton that, after almost deafening us with loud and wild meows, scratched my arm severally through a hole drilled for breathing, pooped severally (or farted) on the owner and eventually managed to escape and as it jumped out of the driver’s window into oblivion and certain death, it scratched the driver’s cheeks who reflexed and almost landed us in a ditch. (hekaya for another day - remind me).

If Satan owns a bus, it operates in country bus, and on the same note, if WSR should grab public land, i wouldn’t mind him snatching this particular one. Apparently 90% of degenerates, deviants and school dropouts who are sent away from villages end up here. They harass anyone who looks new and since we looked like new hens, we were targets. After alighting from the bus, we looked around for a simu ya jamii to call Titsy from.

She told us to meet her at Afya Center. We obliged even if we had no idea where Afya Center was; so we decided to ask around. Makosa.

The guy we asked immediately knew we were new in town and called upon his gang of three huge boys - or men - they were too drunk or too baked to tell.

“Oya! hawa wanaenda Busia,” our guy said, beckoning them.

They stood up, talking in sheng, a language I’m yet to understand to date, and snatched our briefcases (well, they were black polythene bags with a change of underwear and leafs given to us by grandma as charms to keep the evil Nairobi women away, but lets call them briefcases ndipo tuheshimiane)

“Busia? No, we have just arrived. Tunaenda Afya Center,” KK replied as he tried to get back our briefcases.

“Hapana, hapa ni sisi daktari, nanyi ni wagonjwa. Ukienda kwa daktari yeye ndiye hukuambia kwenye anakudunga sindano,” he replied…

Apparently these guys hang out at the station and direct passengers to particular buses where they earn commission on each paying passengers.

After they bullied us and even shoved us into a Busia bus, by force, we managed to escape through the intervention of a cop (Hekaya for another day). Since then I appreciate cops.

We arrived outside Afya Center after almost two hours of getting lost because we couldn’t trust anyone anymore. To get to afya we had to ask for directions from a female guard positioned outside City Stadium who seemed genuine, after another female guard had redirected us from Buruburu! That is how ‘lost’ we were.

Afya Center, the green building along Haile Selassie Avenue at the Tom Mboya Junction, is a building everyone, whether new in the city or otherwise, should know (its location) as it could save you some trouble with cons. If a stranger in Nairobi CBD asks you for directions to Afya Center and you don’t know it, show them to the nearest guards or cops but if there are none, ignore them or feign deafness or ujifanye mlevi. This is because they are either conmen or you probably look/dress like a mshamba and/or your mannerisms are just savage; or they are genuinely new or lost and actually need direction. The latter are okay, but if it is the former, you shall probably buy a fake phone, or a fake lottery ticket, or run into a bundle of (fake) cash or all the above. We happened to fall for all three (Hekaya for another day).

Outside Afya was South C’s stage. I don’t know whether it is still there. Right by the stage, on the curb, was a paraplegic on a wheelchair who ran a simu ya jamii kiosk (or wheelchair)(nowadays I see him outside Ambassadeur hotel although I’m not sure whether he really is the same guy). He saw KK’s foot and they became instant friends as he dialed Titsy’s number. He handed the receiver to KK who gave her direction. In a minute she was there.

In my village, it was ( it probably still is) an abomination for a female to wear a pair of trousers, or pants as the Americans call them, or any dress or skirt that is hemmed above the skwembe or, in some stricter families, the ankle. It was (is) believed that only whores, wazungus and rich spoilt kids adorned such and that they shall all burn in hell. Thus, our women were always covered and the only skin we saw was that of their cracked feet, their clean-shaven scalps, and the occasional boob of a breastfeeding new mother - mostly a cousin.

Titsy smiled as she walked towards us wearing a ‘micromini’-skirt, her breasts bounced with each step she took (hence we call her Titsy) her buttocks were round just like an Elianto 20 Litre mtungi with a waist comparable to those pictures of women that some adolescents post on this forum, which @introvert touches himself to. My jaw dropped, i had never seen such a ‘naked’ woman except in a copy of seen magazine that i hid under my mattress. (Where did those mags disappear to? Anyone with a copy?). KK was equally enticed. The scene was so awkward and i won’t go into detail but i must say that KK might have ejaculated. Twice.

She shook our hands and told us she works with GNLD.

“GNLD?” I said to myself, “that sounds like a big parastatal!”

After we introduced ourselves, she asked us to follow her. I don’t remember whether we paid for the phone call since the wheelchair guy was equally tantalized by ‘our’ woman and was still drooling at her tits with his mouth agape.

We followed Titsy through Nairobi streets towards Kenyatta Avenue.

When I was new in this City, I noticed that most, if not all, tall buildings looked like they were almost swaying if I looked at them from ground. A scary sight it was. The scarier part is I learnt that they are actually swaying! It is not an illusion caused by cloud movement as I was led to believe, mofos, those buidings sway! The roads were also very neat and clean (however much the City looks dirty to those who have stayed longer, it is generally cleaner and ‘moderner’ than any other town I’ve been to within the country).

We walked into ICEA building along Kenyatta Avenue and boarded a lift, and I immediately hated lifts.

Claustrophobia is a term I came to learn much later after I held unto a stranger’s wife and refused to let go when I boarded Afya center’s lifts and realized I could see outside as the lift descended. To date I would rather take stairs unless the building has no stairs or there is restricted access to stairs.

As the lift ascended ICEA, i felt nauseous and puked right unto one of the mirrors mounted on the lift’s walls. The vomit missed Titsy by an inch. Meanwhile KK sat right on the floor, in fetal position, screaming and calling upon his ancestors. Luckily we were just the three of us in the lift so Titsy was spared the embarrassment - for now.

We arrived at our floor and walked out of the lift and into one of the cleanest room I had ever seen. Little did KK and I know that this was the beginning of shocking adventure(s)

Next… GNLD

:rolleyes: Ntangoja aliyesoma a comment.

he he…good as always
lakini hujaambia rafiki yangu @introvert poa…

1.Nairobi iko wapi @Ice_Cube

Hehehe, isorait.
Sweep inakuwanga lazima.

Maliza this hekaya. Too many : "hekaya for another day ".

Nairofi nimbere ya gatharaiini :D:D:D


great narration… ebu maliza kabla waanze system update

good hekaya…

Though my town visits are so so dull???

Might you be using something from this farm?

:smiley: Ukifika place inaitwa Engineer uniite nikuje nikuchukue

Nice one

GNLD manenos… endelea priss.

Scratching my balls.

Hekaya imo chonjo.:D:D:D:D:D…For that sweep on introvert there is enough content in this hekaya for you to make an appearance gunia wiki hii…

Siku imekamilika

:D:D:D:D Whenever I read your name @Adeudeu , I just bust into laughter nikikumbuka how the “goats” kept jumping after you said 100 and you joined them too. That Hekaya is second to none in months.
ION Hekaya timam


You never ever dissappoint @Adeudeu

[GALLERY=media, 2483]MShippo37915 by Giggz posted May 22, 2017 at 11:08 AM[/GALLERY]