I recently dodged a targeted bullet from a kunguru who offered herself for “netflix and chill” at my place with the intention of kupiga kambi, probably indefinitely. At first, I thought the gods had finally smiled upon me after a longer-than-usual dry spell. Until I found out she had recently lost her job na amefungiwa nyumba. Nillingia Karura bila kurarua. I learnt a painful lesson a few years back which made me develop an anti-homeless-kunguru defence mechanism.
So this one time, a friend who lived in the neighbourhood called me with a request. His ex was on her way to his house but he wasn’t going to be home until later in the day. Since she was already in the neighbourhood, he requested that I host her until he got home. I happily obliged. Happily because kunguru alikua ameiva mbaya and it had always been my intention to pick a few slices. Kunguru alifika in a cab akatoa a whole gunia (zile za Naivas) of clothes from the boot. I didn’t make anything of it at the time. She wasn’t my problem. Or so I thought.
Nilikaza rasa in the hope that my friend doesn’t show up that night. It paid off. Kunguru alilala kwangu that night nikachukua slices kadhaa. What I didn’t know at the time was nilikua nimecheswo! One night turned into two, and two nights quickly turned into a week. Jamaa alikua ameingia Karura. By the time alichomoka from his Karura hideout, kunguru had already made herself at home kwangu. Alikua anaosha hadi nguo na kupika. Slices nilikua napewa on the daily. At times I actually didn’t mind the idea of her being around.
My boy would later confess to me that it was a con the whole time. He knew she was homeless at the time and that I would easily take the bait given her looks. Now that I had taken slices, she was my problem, not his. We laughed it off. Kunguru alikaa kwangu a whole month until I had to devise a way of getting rid of her. I tell you getting rid of a kunguru, especially one that brings the kind of value she was bringing, is no joke. Being an asshole and kicking her out wasn’t an option. So ilibidi nimescript kipindi.
How do you guys go about avoiding such situationships? Besides getting hold of insider information about her financial situation, are there any red flags you look out for?
And is that how you consider a fellow human being?? Ati “get rid off” ni kama takataka? Imagine giving your body to a stranger just so you can have a place to stay and food to eat. Hana relatives? Is it purely an economic issue, ukunguru?
That is how most relationships start. Most girls are kicked out of home by parents aende akaanze kwake. Huku sio majuu, most people in their 50s married for economic reasons and a dash of love. That’s is why i don’t understand how these young girls will find husbands juu wamekuwa brain washed na TV about some unatainble type of relationship that does not exist in kenya’s reality.
Ni lini mtawacha kuwa na hii attitude ati the world should bow at your feet, give you free passes and shit and treat y’all like goddesses, just because y’all have the nini-hii?
Kwani our boi here did not also “give” her “his body”?
Shit like so happened to me not too long ago. A lanye nilisukumiwa number aliniuliza to host her for a week. Ati she didn’t have anywhere to go after her cousin disappeared bila kulipa rent nyumba ikafungwa. I offered her a place only for the weekend nikijua siezi mischa kejani on Monday. But hiyo Monday hakuwa na haraka ya kuenda place. I noticed anytime she left she’d bring more stuff pole pole. After a week I threw her out. She refused to leave akidai she’s pregnant and doesn’t have a place to go. Ilibadilika kuwa story mrefu long and short of which nilibadilisha number na kuingia boni.
i tried tht MMA thing (Mock Marriage Arrangement) for 2 weeks, nikanotice my tokens are zinamezwa nikama i am running a TIG welding business in my house. i later discovered my microwave was being used to cook sausages!!!..huyo nilimoffload the way a fighter pilot ejects his external fuel tanks in readiness for a dog fight