Last week On Friday I had a tussle of will whether Nibaki Nairobi ama niende shagz nivuke mwaka na wazazi.I settled on the former since the latter would subject me to alot of questions…;mara ooh where is Mama Tony,ooh mara make sure hii mwaka umempea mimba akuzalie uwacha kulea njoti ya wenyewe.For the record,I’m newly divorced na nyumbani watu hawajui.Was wondering why even after messing around na kumwaga ndani she never conceived.Kumbe nugu ikona implant ya miaka kobole.To hell with marriage.
Anyways 31st niko formless kama tailor wa Riggy G so I decide to take random laps pale bypass since highway iko deserted and in the process nirudi kejani with a bottle of kasomething to end the year in style.
Nikizungusha ufunguu ya solex ndio nifunge mlango this single matha neighbour opens her house in a huff.
"Sasa baba Tony.Si unisaidie ile kadudu yako nimalize kupika kuna vile gas yangu imekatika."She hurriedly says.I note that her hands are oily and chalky.She must have been kneading dough.
For those of you not familiar with the lower class lingo, kadudu ni kale kacylinder kadogo ka watoto ya campus.
I first of all give her a lecture that I’m nolonger baba Tony and that hiyo ikue ndio mara ya mwisho kuniita hivyo .Otherwise I let her know that my kadudu has nothing but she could make use of my day to day cylinder as I don’t have any plans of cooking.
I’m in some military boots na kuanza kuzitoa is a task that am not ready to undertake.So I just usher her in.
"Ingia ujichukulie.Nikianza kutoa viatu next year itafika before nimalize"I passively lament,acknowledging how cumbersome kuvaa viatu na kuanza kuzitoa vile ni kazi.
She bursts out laughing,a hearty laugh,the kind of laugh that is raw and unforced.I wonder who laughs at such a dry statement.Psychology says that people who laugh at things that aren’t funny are most likely depressed.
House design ni ile moja ya most houses hapa Nairobi.Main door opens up to a long corridor,mlango ya washroom on one side alafu ya bedroom on the other side.The corridor leads to the living room ambapo entrance ya living room na ya kitchen ziko on a 90° angle.Watu mko anti-rada when it comes to matters hisabati mtanisamehea kidogo.
My point is,nikiwa kwa mlango ya washroom naona ndani ya kitchen.So this middle aged woman enters the kitchen,opens the lower cabinet adjacent to the cooker and starts fumbling with the pipe akijaribu kutoanisha.Now,huyu mama tukiongea alikua amevaa izi vitu za white zenye wale watu ya kuchoma nyama pale bama huvaa.Kumbe they cover the front pekeake.Alaa! mama ameinama naanza kuona vitu not appropriate for a young audience.I won’t lie to you that she is pretty.Infact, if I was to put her facial endowment on a scale of 1-10 i’ll prolly give her a strong 3.5.I’m not trying to give a tribally inclined opinion,but she was luopean.On the flipside though,haga imeenda group of schools.Thick thighs with no extra cellulose.Waist timam considering she is an over thate single matha.
I have never viewed her as an edible.Never even in my wildest dreams.But know why bentyga is ugly but expensive? The interior guys.And the engine of course.This woman si hupitana kwa stairs with casual hi’s.She was a good friend with mama Tony and on a few occasions ameletea sisi some dried ongege and ombuta from upcountry.
She straightens up and catches me red handedly staring at her posterior.I blush and act unfamiliar with the going ons.My abdalla is a quick correspondent and so I have to hide it in a hurry…
"Hii handle ya choo hawa watu waliweka ngumu,ukiwa umekazwa vizuri unawezajimalizia haja…"I turn and start touching the door knob.I chose a silly topic for diverting the conversation.I know I looked and sounded stupid.What was I even saying?Tony mwenyewe,a three year old boy alikua anafungua iyo choo bila tashwishi.Gaddamnit.I steal a glance towards the kitchen and Nyar kosele,hands akimbo is staring at me.
"Baba Ton…Sorry…junior,Hii pipe sijui mmeseal na glue ama ni mimi sina nguvu.Imekataa kutokana."She goes on to state in an accent that reeks of the lakeside.
“Aki najua nakusumbua but si utoe tu viatu ukuje unitoanishie.Ungekua around ningekuja kupikia huku tu.”
“Ungesema hivyo mapema.You cook and get comfortable.Naenda ziara kidogo I’ll be back in like an hour or so plus nilikua nikule leftovers za jana for super.The pleasure is mine.hahaa.”
With that I’m out and flying down the stairs before my dick took the better part of me.
For the first time in my life, I get to taste the full throttle of a car in Nairobi and not in the wee morning hours.Kumbe y’all are shagz dwellers.Nakula ile round about ya pale bee center kuelekea naivas kuchukua ice cubes nikamulika a very beautiful and curvy lady wakivuka barabara na ndume yake.My dick twitched.Thrill ya kuskuma motty at 160(I am a lightfoot and a very cautious driver) so hiyo speed ilikua inanipea some dopamine rush mbaya sana.Couple it with a woman whom I was sure was going to be chewed and I was up in flames.
Akili ikapiga niende thika road nikarombosewe na mapantyless thick mamas atleast jazba ishuke.But the thought of loud music freaked me off.I’m an audiophile so izo sauti kubwa kubwa with no pattern and order huniudhi mbaya.All my friends who come up with amazing ideas of killing time wote either wako holidaying na familia ama wamepeleka watoto ushago wakaone mbuzi na kuku.I got myself to entertain.Only myself.
Not wasting money on things that are unnecessary is high on my 2023 resolutions.I do a silent prayer and tell my dick to back down.No need for unnecessary drama.Naingia supermarket napick vitu mbili tatu.In some W&S along the way i pick afew drinks and with alot of effort I drive back to the house.Iyo temptation ya kuona na kuguza matako mingi kwa club nikaishinda.
Naingia kwa nyumba kitu 90 mins later.A subtle aroma of baked bread,fried chicken and an array of spices greeted me me apo kwa mlango.House smelt like those uptown restaurants banae.Nikameza funda la mate.Nikasimama apo dakika kadhaa pondering whether I should press the bell ama niingie kama mwenye nyumba.Courtesy won.
I ring the bell and proceed to enter without waiting for an invite.The lights are off.Ambient colours flicker and light the room in no particular order.Its the tv.Nyar Kosele is lying on the sofa her eyes glued on it.She hasn’t heard me enter…Or maybe she has.I stamp my boots on the mat and proceed to undertake the tedious job,more tedious since my eyes and mind are glued on the specimen of the lakeside.From the dim light,I can see the pointy endings of her huge boobs trying to pierce through the thin blouse.She is wearing a very short skirt.Her legs were slightly parted but the thickness of the thighs narrowed my vision.I cross the sitting room and sit down across from the love coach on which she is lying on.
“Oh Junior kumbe umerudi.Kuna movie nawatch hapa ju kwangu fidel anabinge watch sciShow.And again si movie appropriate for his age.I hope you don’t mind.”
Zii.Not at all.It looks interested actually.Can I join you?"I say out of courtesy.Netflix is never an option for me.
She snuggles her thick frame to one side and taps the empty space bedside her.“Yeah,sure.”
Sasa ni movie ya wanawake semi nude nitawatch ama ni hiyo chakula nanuka mzuri nitakula.
"Ebu kwanza niingie jikoni nikjitibu then I come"I start to rise but before ata matako iwachane na kiti she was up.
“Lemme serve you”
Brethren allow me to explain to you something.I said that this woman isn’t pretty.I digress.I mean she doesn’t have the Instagram beauty but still…Okay.Lets put it this way.Beauty is subjective.And at that moment,she was beautiful.Not slim not fat.Apo katikakati.But waist downwards she was thick.Haga flani inawobble as she went to the kitchen.I swear there was no other clothing under that shear skirt.Alafu akibend awekelee food kwa table, I stole a glance of a very deep cleavage.Very huge fun bags I must say.
As she sat down,her legs were dangerously hanging at an angle that gave me a peak of some glistening crotch.Am I imagining things?Damn.I honestly can’t give an opinion of how the food tasted.Taste buds zilikua off.My dick was drooling and I guess them taste buds were down there.Nikamaliza kukula nikachomoa glass nikamimina some Russian whiskey to cool me off.Nikapiga funda nzito kisha nikapull another glass for Nyar Kosele.Nikamimina hadi akaguza mimi mkono.“Enough junior.Unataka nilewe nianze kutwerk hapa”
I laughed kidogo as she took a sip."And by the way you can call me anything but not that junior thingy.And I hope to see you twerk before the year ends."My speech was smooth.Russians are systematic with everything.Even liquor hahaa.
"You know what?Fidel is all alone.Lemme see him to bed and come back."She said and skidded off the room her steps with an exaggerated ass shake.