Sijui nianzie wapi,hadi WA leo nawish hii ni ndoto na nitaamka siku Moja na Kila kitu iwe sawa Tena.My small brother died of alcohol poisoning, the worst thing about his death is how preventable it was.First of all,we were 2 only,I’m the black sheep/scapegoat of the family.Regardless,of how much mom denies that she practices favoritism,her actions show otherwise.Dad is the dictator, you can’t even reason with him,I stopped trying to do that in my late-teen years.But I could see,even he was lax with my brother.Maybe,this is why my brother had no selfcontrol or discipline.Anyway,hiyo backstory imetosha.
Now,my mom left the country many years ago.Before,she left, me,my brother and her made a promise to each other,that we would be one no matter what.I left home,soon after she left.My brother remained at home, living with dad.After 2 years,things were going well for me.My brother had a nasty incident, with my dad,where he was beaten.He ran away to a friend’s house for some days,he was told to come and live with me by mom.She felt he was asking for money constantly while he was at his friend’s house.Niliongea na yeye nikamshow, aende home achukue nguo zake home alafu akuje.Sasa alirudi home,nilimngoja hakucome.Mom naye akanishow ,Mimi na bro tupange na tutafute nyumba kubwa pamoja.Sasa nilikuwa napanga na bro,but siku ikufika,anaanza kunipea story hazieleweki.Alinifanyia hivyo wiki mbili,nikaona Ako na mchezo.Niliambia mom kile bro alikuwa anafanya,sikuamini vile alinibrush off.Hapo nilisikia uchungu na hasira sana,niliona nabebwa vibaya.Hiyo story ya nyumba niliwachia hapo,lakini nilipigia bro na nikamsomea juu hiyo ujeuri na madharau,iliniudhi,hadi WA leo,inaniudhi nikikumbuka.Bro naye,akanishow,ni sawa,Mimi ndio najua kusomeana.Parting shot yangu,nilimshow,Kuna siku atanifuata na sitakuwa.Kusema ukweli,niliosha mikono yangu after hiyo.Nikasema yeye na mom wataamkia mbele.
Sasa, after kitu 2 months,baada ya kumsomea,huyo bro alipata seizure.Alikuwa na a female cousin,sijui walitoana wapi na huyo bro.Nilitry kuuliza bro,walitoana wapi kitambo lakini alinificha.Nikafanya upelelezi, the most I found out,is alikuwa dame ya beshte WA bro.Sasa,vile bro alipata seizure,dame alimpeleka hosi na bro aliambiwa aachane na pombe for 6 months.Sasa,wote wawili walificha hii story,dame aliropokwa after I pressured her vile bro alikufa.Bro alikunywa Konyagi na Chrome dry,vile aliibiwa simu akiwa club.Alikuwa na rafiki zake hiyo day.Sasa, siku Moja kabla akufe,Mimi niliombwa vijiti za vibiriti tatu,all of a sudden na neighbor.Ilikuwa weird,juu huyo neighbor hajawahi niitisha kitu yoyote before.Neighbor naye akanishow jina yake,ni namesake WA bro.After my encounter with the neighbor,I had a weird feeling that I should call my brother.I fought the feeling,I said to myself,I’d call him tomorrow.The next day I was getting a call that he is dead.He died in his bed at home, the bed used to be a double-decker.He removed the top bunk where I used to sleep.
Now,grief comes and goes,I try and manage day to day.Uchungu inanipata Nikijilaumu kukosa kumpigia the day before,namlaumu yeye kwa kukosa selfcontrol na discipline,namlaumu kwa kuvunja ahadi yetu juu ya pombe,rafiki zake na sherehe,nalaumu mom kwa kumsupport na kumpea doh vile alikata kuhama,nalaumu huyo cuzo kwa kuweka siri ya upuzi.Baba wa cuzo alikufa from alcohol poisoning on my birthday,mbona mwingine akufe hivyo Tena na anaangalia tu.Anyway,I’ve gotten it all off my chest, hopefully I can help someone else somewhere avoid this.
Ile time naona ningeweza kugundua hiyo siri ya ndugu yangu,ni siku ingine alifaint akitoka Kwa huyo beshte alikaa na yeye.Jamaa alifaint,huyo beshte akapeleka bro home.Bro aligutuka huko,akashow dad,dad akampeleka hosi.Alifanyiwa check-up na akashonwa kichwa pale alikuwa ameumia .Bro naye,akatushow alianguka,eti akitoka home vile alikuwa anapanda nduthi.
Siongei vibaya,lakini hiyo ujanja alikuwa anadhani Ako nayo,ndiyo alijimaliza nayo pia.Kwani,kusema ukweli ni kitu ngumu aje,anyway hata nipange na nipangue aje,ishafanyika.I only hope ,when I have kids with whomever, history doesn’t repeat itself.
Pole bro
Pole kaka. And don’t blame yourself
Is it one time alcohol poisoning or chronic addiction.
Pole kaka
Tafuta therapist ,otherwise hiyo guilt itakupeleka sleepless nights, anxiety,depression and PTSD.Mapema ndio best. Or watch free therapy on youtube
Don’t blame yourself.
You need to move in with life.
Reconcile with your parents halafu tafuta jiko and build your life.
You came to this world alone and you will leave alone.
You did your best
I’ve always wondered with spiritual symbolism or dreams… One of my friends who ain’t quite religious aliota his dad anamuita over a fence but the dad looked quite angelic and the side he was looked a bit snowy/pale… Kuamka asubuhi anapigiwa simu his dad is gone
Pombe si maji. Pole kaka.
Mi niliota na grandpa amekufa nikiwa boarding school. Kukaa siku mbili nakujiwa shule naskia alidedi.
The seizure thing is a sign of alcohol poisoning, though not fatal.It’s the body telling one,to go easy or stop.Now it’s up to the individual to decide what to do, when that happens.Although,one can get seizures from alcohol withdrawal.I honestly don’t know,if he was an addict.Though the autopsy showed his organs were still fine.He just drank too much quickly and only ate,on the day he first drank.The next day after that,he drank Chrome dry and ate nothing.The next day,he died.
I’ll watch them slowly,I sometimes have sleepless nights, thinking if only I knew abc I’d have saved him from himself.
Right now,I can’t reconcile with anyone since I 'm going through the stages of grief.I think later, because I would want to ask why people didn’t listen,niliposema huyo anapotea.Nobody wants to have that conversation, although I know the answers.I have lived with them,I know how things go.
Yes,I know.Nilitaka tu aamke na akuwe na loyalty, integrity and ethics,lakini mtu mzima Ako huru kujichagulia njia atafuata
It’s true, ni same way unaweza sense good and bad energy bila kuambiwa
If he could drink spirit without eating anything in a whole day, there is probably nothing you could do to prevent fate. Unfortunately, self discipline is developed very early in life. Lack of self regulation points to someone who had unlimited freedom early on. You can do nothing to change such a person in adulthood.
Once an alcoholic realizes the problem that when you will solve the problem