Theft by lanyes

Hekaya by @Sonic51

so nilikuwa nimetoka a failed interview for a job so i was feeling hopeless… naturally nikasema acha nitoe stress na pokoste…i had heard about mlolongo’s reputation so i found myself there… nikaanza kupiga maroundi uko coz i also like walking to clear my mind… i found myself in one of those vichochoro and saw a lanye sitting outside her keja… it was a kind of lonely neighbourhood…so i go up to her and ask her if she sells and for how much… she says yes at 150/= then proceeds to lead me to her room… as i was entering the room i saw another woman walk into another room after seeing us… but i just ignored her… so we get into the room with the lanye, start getting cozy and undress… the second my pants were off i hear a knock on the door… my heart skipped a bit… i started asking her what was wrong but she told me to calm down as she went to open it stark naked… she opened it a little, had a small talk with them then suddenly let them in… it was two other lanyes… when i saw them my mind was like, “hii either ni foursome napewa ama ni kuibiwa naibiwa”…foursome kitu gani… the lanyes started asking for room fees of 200ksh…nikawaambia sawa as i reached for my trouser to get the cash since i did not know what to do and i was confused… but they suddenly begun grabbing the trouser and my stuff claiming that i wanted to run away… i thought they wanted to steal everything so i begun to fight back… mvutano ukaanza apo… one aganist three… they grab my stuff but i try to grab them back from them… mmoja akaona niko relentless akatoa shuka akanieka chock hold na shuka while pulling me back… so i had to multitask, one hand trying to grab my stuff back from two lanyes and the other trying to prevent the shuka from choking me… uyo wa shuka akaona it’s futile… akaachana nayo akaenda full on chock hold na mkono… but i still fought back… mvutano ulilast for like ten minutes… finally one of them akaona nimekuwa too much and since i was naked she went for the dck… the moment i felt my dck touched nikatii amri… i stopped struggling and sat meekly on the bed nikawaacha waendele kusorora… that is when they explained to me that they were only after money… they did not have interest in anything else… uzuri i only had 700ksh in my pocket…which walikuwa washaiba wakati wa mvutano… since nilikosa io 200 (which they had obviously stolen) ya rent wakachukua simu wakanithreaten nitume na mpesa and they insisted watatuma wenyewe… so they did the transaction and all i did was input the pin…they deleted the mpesa message… . i later came to realize kumbe the lanye had herself sent one thousand shillings…after that they left me with the original lanye in the room

Wazee muachane na maraya!

I find this hekaya funny nikaona i repost it here. nimecheka hapo mahali alipigwa chokehold

You don’t confront enemy on their turf. Either your turf or neutral turf. Very bad. Jamaa aliuma slices ama?

Wazee wako.senate. huku ni Kwa vijana. Kwani ulihama Senate?

Hata huku kuna wazee. Sio kila mtu kijana hapa. Ni vile hawasemi

Juu ya Kuma ya 150 tu :D:D:D

@administrator should find a way of bringing back a random thread from the archives and unlocking it automatically so that new users can chime in and old timers can relive the good old days. The thread can be pinned and randomized once a week.

Think of the Wikipedia Random article hyperlink.

Every week you can have a random article from the past pinned in each category!

What fun.

Uyo mjamaa lazma anasuffer from PTSD. Angeuma ningekubali

@Sonic51 aliuma slices, yeye mwenye alisema hivyo

yes aliuma but alikuwa very cautious…ndo io reply yake

nilisema sawa tu nikachapa shoti mmoja nikatoka roho safi…but of course I took extreme precaution

haha sikuexpect ii story ishock ktalkers…hadi inafanya nijishuku

How do you go to a random town , ask someone if she is a whore and enter her house? That’s plain stupidity.

Dude… that’s silly by any standards…they left you with her…

Funny sana…ni kama imagination.