I am 26 years old and I have a girl who is 11 months. Now I got born again shortly after I found out I was pregnant. The guy Who is the father we were not in a solid relationship Just casual and he took off after I told him I was pregnant, he sent me money to get rid of the pregnancy but I kept it. Then he blocked me every where… And later I learnt he was married so I let it go. (All this happened within my first month of finding am pregnant)
I started going to church and I got born again. During that time in church I met a guy. He was a leader in my Bible study he was very Kind and fun and very mature that I started to kinda like him… He seemed to like me too but he treated me like Everyone else. So like 3 months in my pregnancy he asked me out and we went out and I opened UP to him about my situation and everything. He was very understanding and he said he would help me in Anyway way… We never got to talk about us. He didnt seem dissapointed or anything but I couldnt tell. Anyway we continued meeting and he kept checking on me and few weeks later we started talking about marriage. Now as per him he was like we wait until Baby is born then we make official dowry visits. He however wanted to inform his parents and mine of our intention to get married before baby is born but we plan official things after I give birth. He also said that he would get a House for me and my kid and support us until we would officially get married then mové in. Now me I wasnt very comfortable I wanted Just get parents Blessings and mové in but the guy wasnt for the idea and we almost kosanad (we fought) about the issue. But he was like he will take responsibility of my Child hata kama si wake (even though he isnt biologically his) but he wanted to make it official and so we have to wait and plan. His plan was we get married when Baby is two years old and we use that time kujuana vizuri (know each other better) and by two years we Will be prepared and be sure about the whole situation.
He also talked to our pastor about the plan and he was OK.
He introduced me to his mom and his 2 sisters. Their Dad passed away about 2 years ago. He told them about the pregnancy, his plan and the fact that I was pregnant though the baby is NOT his. His mom and Sisters welcomed me and were very supportive of me during my pregnancy though mom questioned about the other guy and when she learnt he was out of the picture she was kinda OK. Yani They walked with me during my pregnancy and even after I delivered the sisters took turns to stay with me and help me out which I really appreciated.
Now I however have two issues
Before I gave birth this guy was asking me to get in touch with my Baby Daddy to see If he is interested in his baby’s life… But I knew that Man we were done so I wasnt very keen kumfuata. (To follow UP) But this guy he met him without informing me and They talked and according to my guy the other Man was like he doesnt want anything to do with me or his kid juu hataki kuvunja nyumba yake (he doesnt want to break his other family) I felt very bad coz I was wondering why he wants with the other Man and why he feels it is important huyó mwanaume ajue mtoto wake na alimkana. (why should he know his kid and he has abandoned her.) So he was like he Just wanted to be sure If the Man will take care of the girl and If he is NOT ready my guy then will be the father and he will name the baby. Since that Man refused his kid, when my girl was born my guy named her after his mom (My guy is Kikuyu and am Luhya) and his mom was OK and I was OK too.
Now before the baby was born I took the guy to meet my parents. Then I informed my mom about the issue and she was like If he will take care of me then ni sawa (Shes OK) Now the problem came when the Baby was born my People were not happy that this guys family was taking care of me and he hasnt paid dowry or anything. I talked to my mom that we were not living together and we were planning… But then Covid came and plans stopped coz of travel restrictions. Now the issue is my mom called so that the Baby can be shaved hizo Milá za kwetu (as per Luhya traditions) and I was OK. But now when my guy heard this he completely refused. And I told my mom the guy has refused. But there was so much pressure from relatives halafu we argued with my guy so much over this… Like If I allowed him to name her after his mom as per Kikuyu why cant he allow me to do our thing. Now ukweli ni my girl ako na nywele poa sana (my girl has long beautiful hair) and my guy was like hataki mtoto afanyiwe any rituals (Doesnt want any rituals on the kid) So in November I travelled home juu ya preparations since we were planning some dowry in Mid December When I was there the issue of shaving came UP again and I told him and he said “No one is shaving my daughter and she looks good” So I told him hata si mtoto wako (She is NOT your Kid) TBH I was angry and then we didnt talk. So I had the baby shaved. When I sent him the photo he didnt say anything. Since that day he hasnt called or responded to my messages. He used to come every day to check on us then he goes back to his House but he hasnt come. End month I sent a message ya Rent. He sent me money for Rent and the next day his mum and Elder Sister came with shopping. Yes They were disappointed about the shaving but he hadnt told them anything… Infact They were coming to know how the plans went. I told them we had a fight about the shaving and since that day he has gone mute. Later his small Sister came na yeye ndiye aliniambia ukweli (She told me the truth) she had talked to him and he was angry with me, atí I disrespected him and did that coz mtoto si wake (Child is NOT his) ati he thinks I will do whatever I want and he wont have a say in future so he is thinking other wise. Haki I cried and tried to tell her si ukweli I love him and I respect him. She said that her mom and other Sister talked to him but hawataki kuingilia mambo yetu so wanataka tu sisi wawili to solve (They dont want to be in the middle so They want us to resolve our issue between us two). I dont know what to do coz last one week haniongeleshi (He’s not talking) My question is
a) Was it right for him to talk to my Ex behind my back?
b) If I allowed him to name my daughter culturally why couldnt he allow me to shave her culturally. Shaving is NOT evil (or is it so wrong amongst Kikuyu?)
I dont want to loose him coz he is a good Man. Last Sunday I didnt even go to church coz he picks us UP with baby on Sunday morning then drops us back but he didnt even come and sikutaka kutumia matatu na mtoi. (could not use public transport) The guy is still sending us support but his Sister told me he feels like since he gave his Word to wait for two years he will support but he is NOT sure. How do I reach him? How do I make his family get involved coz They dont want to confronta him? Did I overeact. Please pastor help me.
This is why I say I can never pay dowry. I refuse to be someone’s goldmine. Like they hit pay dirt. Even Kalenjin shave hair btw. In fact many tribes on the Western side observe this ritual. Nilotes and Bantus.
But this lady disrespected the guy. He is bailing her out and she talks to him like that. That means she will do it again in future. And she just looks at him like a bank account for that child.
The truth is ALPHA MALES like me and @Agwambo met that guy in the Bar and talked to him out of the SIMPING he has been doing and now it i time a shughulikie ujinga yake. IN SHORT huyo jamaa ameingia Karura Forest sasa imebaki akuwe bitter singo matha.
That woman is very short-sighted. She had struck a goldmine. A very rate man whom many single mothers would kill to have. But she had to act a fool and disrespect him. She has successfully red-pilled him
[COLOR=rgb(97, 189, 109)]>Meet a girl who is carrying another man’s baby.
Make plans to marry her months after the fact
Introduce the woman to your family
Support her financially
Go through the trouble of convincing the girl’s previous lover to be involved in her life.
What the fuck was this guy’s dad teaching him? I hope his death was painful.
The girl sounds quite entitled too, but this is 100% the guy’s fault.
When you decide to date as a single parent and you really need to settle down, you do not have the luxury of entertaining some drama more so when the other party has put that much effort into the relationship.
Always know that this person is putting up, and dealing with, two or more barriers, that he shouldn’t have to deal with if he were dating a childless woman.
Of course, that should not be an excuse to mistreat a single mother, which doesn’t seem to be the case with this guy. But she has inadvertently planted a seed of doubt in this potentially good catch of a dude that will be hard to eliminate.
This woman is downright selfish. It is not about culture. She is all about her. 1st she denies the guy info about her ex, he goes ahead and digs for himself, there fore showing a lot of commitment. Then she whines about that. She then goes ahead and and cuts the baby’s hair against his wishes…she should know how lucky she is to get such a Kyuk man. Kyuk men rarely marry outside, leave alone mwenye ako na mtoto. Istoshe the family embraces her.
Now he is about to take off vroom vroom riding into the sunset…she should pack her hasty wedding plans and try and earn a living for her daughter.
I also note she missed church as she did not want to catch a mathree.
The lady was very deliberate on her decision to get born again. She was out on a hunt mission. Am sure the biological father alijua character yake and refused to get trapped.
Ata kaa wee ni leader wa Bible study you can’t bid that low and run things as fast as gestation period would last. Anyway ata kanisani Kuna msaada, mdem alijua road to hit on.
He didn’t love her, period. Then what’s up with the dating period of 2 years? That’s rubbish to me. They should have been friends first before he ever uttered a word about marriage then when he’s sure, the process from proposal to the actual wedding shouldn’t take more than 6 months. The guy is a playa cloaked in sheep’s clothing. Kuna species ya wanaume who prey on desperate women, give them hope then starts giving conditions which sets up the lady for failure. Now that he’s gone, this lady will forever blame herself for pushing this fake white knight away. She’s now a perfect set up for his emotional manipulation, upuss! She did nothing wrong and owes him nada. They’re not even married and the child isn’t his legally. The lady should move on with her life.
Why would he want to be with a single mother he met recently when there’s women who have no kids in church? Personally I have never heard of a man following up with his gf baby daddy. Then those conditions are weird. If you want to marry why wait 2 years?
Last week I posted about a guy who even paid dowry for a single mother and pretending to love her son but after dowry told her that he didn’t want to see her son in that house. After the woman left he went and engaged another single mother.
I am always wary of the men who follow single mothers.Most just want to take advantage of the fact that single mothers are desperate for marriage and fathers for their children. Kwanzaa his family is just too cooperative, unlike most who are against their son marrying single mothers. Maybe they have done this before.
I largely agree with you on the point of her moving on with her life.
However, my disagreement with the rest of your analysis stems from the fact that, when she started saying how she could not go to church because of not wanting to use a mathree, or sending messages to get rent and shopping, the narrative of the predatory guy preying on poor single mother flies out of the window. She wants to pin this provident guy for marriage while this guy is doing all the giving. And what does the guy get from this shitty deal? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
The fact that she mentioned the material aspect of this relationship severally, that is when I saw an underlying subtext of how this relationship is in fact a one way street kind of relationship, where one party does the work while the other person just exists in the relationship without reciprocating.
Why are men so hang up on reciprocity. A woman reciprocates in a million countless ways that are not material in nature. Emotional and moral support. If they are married sex, managing the home and the social life of the man and family. Child care, child birth and almost single handedly raising the children while all the man does is to provide finances.
It may not occur to you but to some men these things are no big deal and they will gladly do them to get what they want. It’s just a game they play along with their family.
In many ways I consider myself to be old fashioned in many aspects like the value of relationships and marriage. However, even I know that nowadays, your average woman looking to settle down wouldn’t be content with just saying at home and doing all those wifely duties you have mentioned.
Most women want to work and create small business so as to have their own financial independence. Even though the man might be infinitely out earning the woman, most women, unless ni wale wajinga kabisa wenye wanakubali kuwekwa and exist as an extension and an outlet of the man’s sexuality, most women can never allow themselves to be that financially dependent on a man in the exchange for providing him with sex.
There’s no correlation between having your own money as a woman and the man being the provider. You can have your own money and still be provided for by your man. It’s not mutually exclusive. I’m just saying that you saying that the man gets nothing in return bcz the woman doesn’t reciprocate financially isn’t true
I believe I am one of the youngest people on this our esteemed platform.
Let me tell you Maina! Dating is hectic. Scratch that, dating is worse than betting.
Heri uende archives uangushe pesa huko before you date a Kenyan woman. This 20 year olds breed.
I prefer older women. Not for any other reason but they are mature and honestly very unproblematic. They have established revenue. Mtu akona pesa zake.
Weh this is one very stupid foolish woman. You can fight and hurt each other all you want but for the love of God some lines you do not cross.
For all intents and purposes this guy is the baby’s father. Telling him otherwise must have hurt him to depths she will never understand. He will never heal from that. He may move on but he’ll never heal.
Mjinga sana.
Afadhali hivyo alimgonga 2 years. Had he cuffed this one…
Sometimes you meet someone and understand why their ex bailed.
Of course she wants to pin down this man for his resources. That’s not unusual, single mother or not. It’s female nature to seek out the best provider. Let’s not focus on the obvious. What’s peculiar is how a man can offer himself as a husband to a pregnant single mother, with no strings attached yet the country is brimming with young, childless women. One reason why I don’t trust his motives is his insistence on dating for 2 years. It makes no sense. He’s a Christian and dating for that long simply opens up a portal for fornication. Number 2, he had no right to go behind her back looking for her baby daddy. They’re not even married, talk is cheap. That’s what we call kuingilia mtu. He’s too controlling sheesh. The fact that he’s throwing a major tantrum and sulking over what she chooses to do with her child is another red flag. Don’t lose sight over the fact that he hasn’t married her or even paid dowry. Just cheap, empty talk about doing it in future “two years time.” He’s the kind of man who takes desperate women to cloud nine with fake promises of marriage only to gaslight her later on and dump the lady with a second child to boot.