Joram Otoyo @Swansea has been a US citizen for the past 20 years, so he’s become accustomed to the American diet; Steaks, Turkey, Beacon, Pork ribs, Salmon, Sushi, corn, Broccoli, Almond milk, Canola etc. A far cry from the Omena and managu he used to consume back in his primitive days in the 254.
Furthermore, Otoyo has developed an affinity for fast food, particularly McDonalds and Wendy’s.
Otoyo always orders the Big Bacon Cheddar Triple from Wendy’s. Akifika McDonalds anaitisha three Big Macs with five sausage burritos.
When he left Kenya in 2002, Otoyo weighed 47 kilos. Saa hii nugu imefika 160 kgs. Luckily Otoyo has discovered two techniques to reduce some weight; Gym and ‘Offloading’. The latter is the most dramatic.
So after dinner, Otoyo enters his pantry and collects a box of ‘Charmin ultra soft toilet paper’. (Lazima Otoyo anunue box kadhaa akienda shopping costco). He then heads to the promised land; his loo. Remember this is a two hour affair, so Otoyo has brought along his iPhone to browse as he does the deed. Otoyo places the 12 pack box of toilet paper within his reach, unbuckles his wrangler jeans, anavuta suruali chini then he squats. Na ukumbuke huko sio Kenya where you don’t wear shoes in your pigsty. Otoyo amevalia Timberlands akijitayarisha kukunia.
1 hour and 59 minutes later, London has fallen.
@Swansea Otoyo emerges from his washroom, eyes bloodshot and sweating profusely. He looks exhausted, albeit relieved. His weight has reduced by a staggering 8 Kgs.
Maryland residents have reported various incidences of clogged toilets. Although the state is investigating, it’s not clear what or whom could be causing this phenomenon.