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  1. captain obvious

    Safaricom is hellbent on milking peasants dry

    Naskia kuna gas ya Safaricom inacontroliwa via Mpesa. Na usipoweka pesa haupiki :D:D:D This comes on the heels of Mshwari, Fuliza, Lipa Mdogo Mdogo, and M-KOPA solar. Yaani hii kitu inakupimia gas vile Kenya Power hupima tokens. @BBIsiMuhimu and other super peasants are already complaining that...
  2. captain obvious

    This Sunday, let's pray for everyone who's battling mental illness

    It's not an easy condition to deal with, for both the patients and their carers. I also urge @administrator to designate the coming week as Kenyatalk's Mental Health Awareness Week, during which members should share encouraging posts on how to deal with this epidemic. Closer home, if there are...
  3. captain obvious

    Non-black criminals brag about their crimes to anyone who'll lend them an ear

    They're itching to tell their story to network executives After destroying countless families through drug smuggling and murder, they receive slap-on-the-wrist jail terms, usually less than 10 years for "cooperating", after which they go on to enjoy their illicit proceeds, write books, and...
  4. captain obvious

    Caught in a crossfire between two idle fags

    Over the past 24 hours, I've received tens if not hundreds of mentions related to the thread below, with each party accusing the other of being my other handle :D:D:D Yaani @captain obvious amewavuruga akili...
  5. captain obvious

    Countdown to 40,000

    @administrator pin hii thread ya uzito ama ukule uppercut sai sai, mushienzi.
  6. captain obvious

    Bonnie and Clyde, Tween Edishen

    The 12-year-old boy will be charged as an adult. He seems to be the designated scapegoat, despite his partner in crime being two years older and coming up with the idea to "roll this down like GTA." This foolish boy is going to learn early that the justice system shows no mercy to boyshaud while...
  7. captain obvious

    Reason #5786 why Kenia is a super shithole

    Yaani kuna watu hutumia courts kama choo ya kanjo, kesi after kesi and they just go on with their "hustle" unbothered. Lakini mkulima wa mapato ya chini ajaribu kuiba kuku ama apatikane na stick moja tu ya fangi aone zile miaka atagongwa nazo "ili iwe funzo kwako na wengine wenye tabia kama...
  8. captain obvious

    Some niggas got jokes, yaani wanaibia mpaka karao?

    Hizi drugs za Mombasa kwani zinafanya watu wajione kama superman? Mimi nikiwa pathologist nifanyie hawa post mortem, hapo kwa cause of death naandika "extreme stupidity."
  9. captain obvious

    Cheki, kwani if I buy this e-book they'll also give me lifetime access to Huddah's poosy?

    Fastofoo, congratuleshens to Textbook Centre for redesigning their website and adding digital books to their already impressive product offering. As you all know, I'm a cultured mofo who enjoys soaking in knowledge. Lakini hapa wamekuja sana. This is too much! How can an ebook cost shs...
  10. captain obvious

    Ni nani mwingine humaliswa na haka kapotty kama mimi?

    I love it buana. A very slight protrusion, tiny waist, and overall curvy shape. That's the main reason I keep watching this video. @Freyja if you show me effidense that you have this kapotty, I'll immediately challenge that jaruo of yours to a no holds barred street fight. The winner (yours...
  11. captain obvious

    Honestly, I never used to think body shaming was a thing...

    ...until our hot, knock-kneed shiko made a really big stink about something someone said about her legs. Then I started seeing all this stuff about body-shaming on chochio media and I'm like "weirra goddamn minit, this is an actual thing?" I guess that was when the woke/cancel culture was...
  12. captain obvious

    Kenyatalk investigative journalists are failing-sijaona huu udaku huku

    Huyu msomali alikuwa nani alikuwa anagawa pesa fwaaaa kila mahali. Naskia he was abducted, range rover later found burnt to ashes. Should we expect his body to surface at a river or did he engineer his own kidnapping so he could dupe his "business partners?" Over to you CSI. Alafu huyu boyshaud...
  13. captain obvious

    "Investors" wa Amazon Web Worker Africa, just checking in on you

    Mko sawa? Bado mna-invest "only an amount I can afford to lose" ama mumeanza kuharisha in fear? System bado imehang? Bado kuna network error ama wame-resolve :D:D:D:D? I can't even take credit for calling this scam out coz it was too obvious. I honestly expected it to run for at least another...
  14. captain obvious

    Ass kissing curry muncher put in his place

    Hii sweep ni muoto banaa :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
  15. captain obvious

    Yaani mshaanika hii jaruo huko ASP?

    Kenyans, tupunguze kiherehere tafadhali. Kuna jamaa ame-advise Ojiambo akuwe anabeba toy pisto mpaka ile siku atajua ku-aim, awache kuua ua innocent watchmen.
  16. captain obvious

    Dunderheads wanapeana hopes kule chochio media

    I've also seen this flawed "A-students-will-one-day-work-for-C-students" narrative here on Kenyatalk a few times :D:D:D Look, no one's punishing you for being a dunder as far as academics go, lakini stop trying to bring down intelligent folks to make yuaselefu feel better about your mediocre...
  17. captain obvious

    Kenyatalk seers and dream interpreters, assemble

    I was going through my stats as I usually do (coz I'm an unabashed narcissist) and something caught my eye That 849, the way it features prominently in both my messages and likes, what does it mean? Could it be that the gods will smile upon me and prevail on my boss to add 849 bob to my 9k...
  18. captain obvious

    Mluhya mushienzi celebrating mediocrity

    B+ si kitu ya kutangazia jamhuri buana, kwanza kwa ghaseer imesomea Alliance. Labda ifurahishe feeble-minded individuals kama @BBIsiMuhimu. Some of us scored straight As and we didn't go shouting abourrit it because it was expected. We could have easily become quantum physicists but humbly chose...
  19. captain obvious

    Agwambo challenge

    Today my Boa constrictor...sorry, anaconda will destroy some woman's pelvic area. I will ensure I rearrange all her innards buana. In fact I've already booked an appointment for her at Nairobi Women's hospital because she'll need to be admitted for at least two weeks once my anaconda is done. It...
  20. captain obvious

    Extreme news reporting

    And the guy was yet to have his first sip of vodka for the day. The only way to top this badassery is to report from a field while those missiles land all around him :D:D:D

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